Slip On

I have always envy my own mother.

She seems to be happy without clear marks of age and healthy smile.

She's travelled to half of the worlds' population dwellings, without being a douchy lady to others.

Before I know her,

She was a lousy student, yet a brilliant one. Apparently, from her mates revelation on her past, she never really cared in revisions and studies after classes. She spent her days watching awful soaps and game shows. Though those hopeless past has gotten her a place in her life.

Now I have furnish my life with her presence, I learn a lot more about the world by just trying to listen to her.

I remember her telling me how the laziness caught up with her when she was offered several jobs in DC, evidently she did not accept such. It appears it is not about being lazy or restless, it is a matter of being content with her life, which is something I admire her for.

She often calls me for a mental opening. For me to remember to be thankful and content with my life. Being a teenager, it has not cling on to my mind and my soul.

Which made me realized, I not even half a man I was supposed to be.

I was always vindictive due to the chances she had passed. Non-existence of a realization that the shaking head she had gestured, was made in pursuance to my needs. If she had continue with the scholars program, I might not be writing this. If she had taken the offer and moved us all to DC, I will never have met the people I have now, and perhaps became that douchy girl. And if she had let me leave her for the snaps and drapes, I would probably be somewhere in the world, regretting every minute of it.

These frames have showed me how much of a horrible daughter and a person I am. Improvements are under construction but I believe it is about knowing what should be made known earlier. Nothing is to late to learn eh?

Since she was on the telly twice, she often addresses her dream of seeing me looking like a fool in it. This came about as I always made fun of her for being unfunny. I do hope I would try dragging my feet to any of the castings I was asked to go. But I know I will never fancy that kind of life. All I want to do is sleep my way through the dreams and wake up feeling all shitty before breakfast. Not the other way around.

Guess I am a bit content with my life. Guess I am listening to my mother, even of an inch. Guess I am not as bad of a person I thought to be.