From the glass of my bedroom,
I watch their every step.
Lingering around their thoughts,
On how they could be better.
From the invincible wall,
I watch her speak.
In the tone of broken pride,
Murmuring words she barely understands.
From my window,
I watch your fingers.
Holding the tears.
As I watch these people,
I can only imagine.
On their own perspective,
When those eyes turn to me.
Down With The Stream
I let myself dry,
Just to let you see me.
I keep myself from the light.
To make me spins my thought on you.
I make myself ill.
With hope you would help me.
I tear my bones apart.
So you will fix it.
I starve myself to tears.
Like how you steal me away from my fears.
I lie to myself to speak.
For you to see that I am weak.
Can we ever build ourselves better?
To see the picture clearer.
.................
Feeling like you are missing something has done me no good. For the past four days, I only managed to consume a meal for the day. Though it did not wore me off, it did not help me any better. For the things that I have missed and for the scenes I have deleted, I now wish I could find that one piece. We all say things we do not mean but why do we do it to our close ones. Lies are meant for strangers to connect themselves in this world. It is not for spoken emotions and halfway thoughts.
No one enjoys the way the veins pushed themselves. Guess, it was a good choice to mile this life away. By the last bit, it might feel a lot better.
Just to let you see me.
I keep myself from the light.
To make me spins my thought on you.
I make myself ill.
With hope you would help me.
I tear my bones apart.
So you will fix it.
I starve myself to tears.
Like how you steal me away from my fears.
I lie to myself to speak.
For you to see that I am weak.
Can we ever build ourselves better?
To see the picture clearer.
.................
Feeling like you are missing something has done me no good. For the past four days, I only managed to consume a meal for the day. Though it did not wore me off, it did not help me any better. For the things that I have missed and for the scenes I have deleted, I now wish I could find that one piece. We all say things we do not mean but why do we do it to our close ones. Lies are meant for strangers to connect themselves in this world. It is not for spoken emotions and halfway thoughts.
No one enjoys the way the veins pushed themselves. Guess, it was a good choice to mile this life away. By the last bit, it might feel a lot better.
Love, Love.
My obsession of Mimes has never set an end to the many precise dreams of becoming one. I believe it started quite early on during my childhood (there, the setting of my imagination being a lady of the past century). My mom has always mentioned Mr. Chaplin in my days of trotting along her. I have never got the chance to see him in action, though somehow he was (and is) always close to my heart. Seeing him in some of the old film, where the people in the film itself was watching him. That was the only source of inspiration I did ever received from him. Nonetheless, it has not stop me from yearning.
Then I carried on expanding my love for names such as Jean-Gaspard Debureau, Marcel Marceau and the other chap who's name somehow was erased from my box. I had always believed, that one day, I would be loved as one of these amazing artists.
Quite remarkable that my mom fully supported me in my hopes of joining the Club but I still cannot find any that would really help in boosting my luck in such area.
Guess it will always be another number that will never really be cross. Sadly, I have other weird things that I still aching to pursue. Like trying to sound much older by writing rubbish on the net. That is exactly what happen when you wish you had any relatives with World War's stories.
And still, many turns to the art of getting along with philosophical minds.
Tough Luck.
So They Say
"I decided when I was 18 that I really didn't want to start showing my work until 20 years has passed. I didn't want anyone to corrupt my aesthetic. I felt really strongly about keeping my work pure and honest and intimate. Whenever I try to make art, I make it as if it's my last, because you just never know in this life, you could be hit by a bus or something."
- The late Shawn Mortensen
"The hardest job kids face today is learning good manners without seeing any."
- The late Fred Astaire
"He dares to be a fool, and that is the first step in the direction of wisdom."
- The Chopin Guy :)
"There is a wisdom of the head, and a wisdom of the heart."
- Charles Dickens
- The late Shawn Mortensen
"The hardest job kids face today is learning good manners without seeing any."
- The late Fred Astaire
"He dares to be a fool, and that is the first step in the direction of wisdom."
- The Chopin Guy :)
"There is a wisdom of the head, and a wisdom of the heart."
- Charles Dickens
Ocean of Emotion
You are a tool
but boy,
I can never work you.
You have the spark
But son,
I am always afraid to touch you.
You own the lights
but hey,
I like it better off the sky.
You are nothing
But love,
.............
I am incapable of ending things like this. Halfway along the lines, I would freeze and cringe a little. Sadly, I love the feeling. Of never ending sadness and dreams.
Enjoying every break of your own baggage is something everyone should indulge in.
It is amazing how one cannot help to catch the tears without having voices stopping the time of the loved ones. A fascinating friction when you burst into an ocean of emotion once you clear off your mind. A strong urges of pretentious suicidal effort when you cannot seem to get the feet together.
I am of sentimental bones, and I appreciate such gift.
There is a line from some film that goes something like, you are too intellectual to be sentimental, or something like that.
Though I have the sappy bones, I did not receive any consideration in letting me inhale the courage just to let others know of my feelings. I do not even have the strength to inform the people around me of the very existence of this tiny box of clutters. I am too afraid of others interpretation of my feelings, which hurts me even more when they cannot get into it.
This is not for me to impress anyone. This is for me to find someone who could tell me how he or she feels when he or she tries to read me. To read my life. I want others to try to break into the state that I am currently in. Not just read the signs blindly and tells me how uninteresting they are. It is never about putting a new interest in you, it is about pulling the interest off you.
Once you are interested in something, you will automatically ‘enjoy’ it, and I do not wish for another lonely life catcher to enjoy me.
but boy,
I can never work you.
You have the spark
But son,
I am always afraid to touch you.
You own the lights
but hey,
I like it better off the sky.
You are nothing
But love,
.............
I am incapable of ending things like this. Halfway along the lines, I would freeze and cringe a little. Sadly, I love the feeling. Of never ending sadness and dreams.
Enjoying every break of your own baggage is something everyone should indulge in.
It is amazing how one cannot help to catch the tears without having voices stopping the time of the loved ones. A fascinating friction when you burst into an ocean of emotion once you clear off your mind. A strong urges of pretentious suicidal effort when you cannot seem to get the feet together.
I am of sentimental bones, and I appreciate such gift.
There is a line from some film that goes something like, you are too intellectual to be sentimental, or something like that.
Though I have the sappy bones, I did not receive any consideration in letting me inhale the courage just to let others know of my feelings. I do not even have the strength to inform the people around me of the very existence of this tiny box of clutters. I am too afraid of others interpretation of my feelings, which hurts me even more when they cannot get into it.
This is not for me to impress anyone. This is for me to find someone who could tell me how he or she feels when he or she tries to read me. To read my life. I want others to try to break into the state that I am currently in. Not just read the signs blindly and tells me how uninteresting they are. It is never about putting a new interest in you, it is about pulling the interest off you.
Once you are interested in something, you will automatically ‘enjoy’ it, and I do not wish for another lonely life catcher to enjoy me.
What Would You Do If I Follow You
What makes a stranger qualify himself or herself as your companion?
I believe many have accepted this form of hypocrisy due to the saying 'The more the merrier'. Since I am always the odd one in the circle, I must admit that I concur to my own saying 'The less the longer'.
Why attract many when you can't keep all?
Though I was not as this when years were much slower. I used to love being in the middle of the social gathering with tons of human flesh excreting the bad water. It was the tantalizing spirit of together-ness that brought me a new perspective of 'more'. However, like every superficial dreams, it did not last. Eventually I learned that not every breathing statue is an angel.
Thus, revamping my former self to the current state of behaviour. I do not necessarily feel the need to surround myself with bodies behind the bricks as, well they are hiding behind the bricks. Friends kept telling me to stop separating myself from this 'world', but why should I succumb to the obligations being laid out by the 'world' when nothing lasts forever?
If I have to die alone then so be it. Emily Dickinson survived such life so why can't I?
So, if I have to swallow the comments on the 'less than 100' friends on social network, I would be delighted.
I believe many have accepted this form of hypocrisy due to the saying 'The more the merrier'. Since I am always the odd one in the circle, I must admit that I concur to my own saying 'The less the longer'.
Why attract many when you can't keep all?
Though I was not as this when years were much slower. I used to love being in the middle of the social gathering with tons of human flesh excreting the bad water. It was the tantalizing spirit of together-ness that brought me a new perspective of 'more'. However, like every superficial dreams, it did not last. Eventually I learned that not every breathing statue is an angel.
Thus, revamping my former self to the current state of behaviour. I do not necessarily feel the need to surround myself with bodies behind the bricks as, well they are hiding behind the bricks. Friends kept telling me to stop separating myself from this 'world', but why should I succumb to the obligations being laid out by the 'world' when nothing lasts forever?
If I have to die alone then so be it. Emily Dickinson survived such life so why can't I?
So, if I have to swallow the comments on the 'less than 100' friends on social network, I would be delighted.
Deviance and Solace
Bound by the lack of cooperation from the sympathy crowd, I should rest my fingers in keeping it alive. Just when I thought I could achieve something rather great for my own self, the world decides to retract my very lucky stars.
Mother always says, things happen for reasons, but what if the reasons are not of which you would easily accept and digest? We all have reasons though that does not qualify us in swallowing back the pieces we have spilled out.
Friend that never grew out of the job of comforting me believes, that it would be better for me to stay where I am. As the mistakes dumped are waiting for a re-construction. It cannot shift itself from where I had left it.
Shall I obey by the rules of life, since it is the only form of tracking device that could help me, in some sort of funny manner.
The ever-reclusive side of me will never be something grand, like Mr. Salinger, Ms. Garbo or Proust himself.
So why should I bother in not bothering others?
Well things happen for a reason and it is best for an entity to stay where they are.
Mother always says, things happen for reasons, but what if the reasons are not of which you would easily accept and digest? We all have reasons though that does not qualify us in swallowing back the pieces we have spilled out.
Friend that never grew out of the job of comforting me believes, that it would be better for me to stay where I am. As the mistakes dumped are waiting for a re-construction. It cannot shift itself from where I had left it.
Shall I obey by the rules of life, since it is the only form of tracking device that could help me, in some sort of funny manner.
The ever-reclusive side of me will never be something grand, like Mr. Salinger, Ms. Garbo or Proust himself.
So why should I bother in not bothering others?
Well things happen for a reason and it is best for an entity to stay where they are.
Love Laced Smile
I don't feel better with your lips curved inside your lies as I like you better with your lips between these eyes.
Set To Fail
If growing older means giving up your high aspiration for envious dreams, I should very well pass the bad news before it starts.
The past week is nothing more than clouds of confusions surrounding me. I am no longer in my own capacity to be in my own mind. Half of the people I know are doing great and somewhere off my feet. Lying about feelings is a preference no one should stick to as it does you nothing more than helps you in sinking deeper into your own puddle of fears.
No one really knows the fact that I am aching to leave, just so I could forget the feelings I have to put up with everyday. Why can’t people be blunt rather than meddling with others' red button. I am no better than anyone but at least I try so hard in dealing with it.
Just when I set aside my aggressive mask is exactly when people find me as a target, in getting everything they can’t get on their own. If you ever believe in pushing me down the road will get you further, then much apologies. Stepping on others is not a skill I have attained in the process of adding up my number and it is not one of which I have desired for.
Even with my ugly features to your eyes, I feel good.
Even with a lack of talent, I am content.
Even with you as a person I have circled myself around, I am living.
So forget about treating me like garbage and be happy, because you will never be with such attitude.
The past week is nothing more than clouds of confusions surrounding me. I am no longer in my own capacity to be in my own mind. Half of the people I know are doing great and somewhere off my feet. Lying about feelings is a preference no one should stick to as it does you nothing more than helps you in sinking deeper into your own puddle of fears.
No one really knows the fact that I am aching to leave, just so I could forget the feelings I have to put up with everyday. Why can’t people be blunt rather than meddling with others' red button. I am no better than anyone but at least I try so hard in dealing with it.
Just when I set aside my aggressive mask is exactly when people find me as a target, in getting everything they can’t get on their own. If you ever believe in pushing me down the road will get you further, then much apologies. Stepping on others is not a skill I have attained in the process of adding up my number and it is not one of which I have desired for.
Even with my ugly features to your eyes, I feel good.
Even with a lack of talent, I am content.
Even with you as a person I have circled myself around, I am living.
So forget about treating me like garbage and be happy, because you will never be with such attitude.
Heart Behind The Eyes
Maybe I should stop running with you,
through the tracks of no reflection.
Maybe I should stop wishing for you,
from being caught by your own senses.
Maybe I should stop making you linger,
around me while I am asleep.
Maybe I should stop you from coming,
as my heart is always behind these eyes.
............................
Cannibalism is a basic anthropology matter to talk about. But when you are in a group of students who would pay more attention to global blahs and politics, you're the man ... in finding the weirdest most possible topic anyone would care about.
through the tracks of no reflection.
Maybe I should stop wishing for you,
from being caught by your own senses.
Maybe I should stop making you linger,
around me while I am asleep.
Maybe I should stop you from coming,
as my heart is always behind these eyes.
............................
Cannibalism is a basic anthropology matter to talk about. But when you are in a group of students who would pay more attention to global blahs and politics, you're the man ... in finding the weirdest most possible topic anyone would care about.
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