I understand the need to release the soul of the dead. To not allow tears to run the cheeks that are once being kissed. By the one that has left the uncertainties. But at times, there are urges to refuse.
It is difficult to engage with the feelings, when you have dispose the object. The sole reason of my keepings. Simple things like watching Harry Potter laying Dobby in the grave could ignite an ugly state. As terrible as it sounds, it is exactly the comfort that I need. It would be a lie to proclaim I have come to term with his death because I grow up not having any memorable events with the Grandad, unlike my brother and cousins - and I have to live with that painful reminder. Though his face gleamed the last moment his eyes washed my face, and the smile can never fade, even with times.
There is no one that could listen to these words as there is no one that could grasp every emotions that I have inside.
Death is a strange experience.
and God, could you please end the weird encounters with the unknown. The person is doing my head in, and it has no absolute affiliation with good vibes.
There's a golden sky
Since Liverpool Football Club had failed to bring home any trophy in the last six years, I am overjoyed with the win. I had lost most of the fluid in the body and heart attack was waiting by. If only my grandad was here with me, considering the whole house had been invaded by the Mancs.
It was definitely an overwhelming match. Cardiff had played the best any football team could have. Notorious defence and the defiance put LFC in shock. No denying on the amount of luck on the Reds side. I did let out few tears a couple of minutes in.
Congratulation to Cardiff for a memorable day and congratulation to the boys of LFC for bagging this in.
Moving on to the FA Cup and hopefully fourth spot in the league.
It was definitely an overwhelming match. Cardiff had played the best any football team could have. Notorious defence and the defiance put LFC in shock. No denying on the amount of luck on the Reds side. I did let out few tears a couple of minutes in.
Congratulation to Cardiff for a memorable day and congratulation to the boys of LFC for bagging this in.
Moving on to the FA Cup and hopefully fourth spot in the league.
Furby
I used to have these hanging on my bags and rooms. They can't track you down once you've moved right?
It would've been nice to have some sense when you're younger - so that the cool or creepy things you had will still be with you. The awesome Playdoh with burgers and chips makers, the Tarzan collectibles, and every other childhood memories you can no longer attain these days. At least I still have the corrupted looking Barbies and a Ken, which I've became their personal barber and stylist - and that's not a good idea, for them.
When I have tons of money, I'll scour the earth for those magnificent plays I had when I was younger. And make up some silly stories so that the modern children will be the fools that they are
Super Mario
The message tone on Super Mario. It fascinates me how people still enjoy the sound of oddly shaped man collecting coins while paralysing animal(s). It is even better when I put GTA sound as the tone, because those who spend countless of hours for GTA give me the congratuwelldone look.
If only I could have my playstation and computer back, with the latter terminally ill and mother chooses to leave it dry since that is the only way I would not be plastered to it. Though, bless the inventors for the phone/mini playstation. When they wish to get the new one out, please disable the touch screen features for gaming. My passing skill is being bullied by my touching fingers and it is difficult to clean the screen while playing.
And the touch joystick is a stupid idea.
If only I could have my playstation and computer back, with the latter terminally ill and mother chooses to leave it dry since that is the only way I would not be plastered to it. Though, bless the inventors for the phone/mini playstation. When they wish to get the new one out, please disable the touch screen features for gaming. My passing skill is being bullied by my touching fingers and it is difficult to clean the screen while playing.
And the touch joystick is a stupid idea.
Kitty Shankly
I would always say things like 'I'm going to eat his/her face/paws/hands/etc' whenever I sees amazing looking animals.
When kitty runs in the pitch, I realised this is the reason animals are brought to our lives. They make people smile with buck teeth showing. And they make people like myself squeal like mad.
This week I get to have animal marathon. Babe, Benji The Hunted, Kitty Shankly video on replay, the documentary of wild monkeys being told in classic Romeo and Juliet style, and just stories of cats and dogs.
If only the mother is not terribly afraid of animals, I would have been in possession of a dog (Husky or Collie or Shepherd or the cuties) and a cat (any will do)
So people, adopt Kitty Shankly if you are in the area, this legend needs a comfy home and family. Better, Mr. Steven Gerrard or any of the Reds comrade, adopt this baby NOW.
More Football Drama
The hypocrisy and lack of brain utilisation bothered me, during and after the match.
Manchester United FC certainly deserved the win since the boys of Liverpool FC only attacked De Gea 15 minutes in the first half and 15 minutes before the whistle was blown for final time.
Disappointed with both Mr. Ferguson and Mr. Dalglish on the Suarez-Evra never ending saga. Ferguson should mind his own players, considering they have heaps of (personal) problems, and Dalglish and LFC should not have issued any statement or apology as that is an internal matters (Suarez informs LFC that he will shake hands but did not).
No hand shake, why should it be highlighted? If so why did the media failed to mention Ferdinand's behaviour.
Suarez instigating the tension? What about Evra going on to Ferdinand? He cannot be that daft to make a bad tackle on his own teammate. Why has no one in the media/Ferguson pointed out the clear evidence of Evra possibly out to get on to Suarez, few minutes in the match. Why has no one pointed fingers to Evra when he grabbed hold of Suarez's arm. How could it be possible to justify the victory celebration in front of dejected Suarez. Suarez actually ignored the twattiness displayed while Evra continued being a twat along the path of Suarez.
Football is supposed to be about football. Anything outside of the pitch should be forwarded to Jeremy Kyle since it looked a lot like his show now. Wayne Rooney deserved all the attention for bagging the win for MUFC. Andy Carroll should just stay on the bench as he was invoking every wrath in me.
To football fans being thick-headed, please use some common sense. This is not the Premier League of Hand-Shaking.
To a family member, do not be another ignorant and stupid MUFC supporter by saying 'Let bygones be bygones, Ferdinand only supporting Evra'. The level of contradiction in the statement confused my eyes on the direction they should be rolling.
If this kind of parade continues on, I might as well give up on football as I have long given up on humanity.
Manchester United FC certainly deserved the win since the boys of Liverpool FC only attacked De Gea 15 minutes in the first half and 15 minutes before the whistle was blown for final time.
Disappointed with both Mr. Ferguson and Mr. Dalglish on the Suarez-Evra never ending saga. Ferguson should mind his own players, considering they have heaps of (personal) problems, and Dalglish and LFC should not have issued any statement or apology as that is an internal matters (Suarez informs LFC that he will shake hands but did not).
No hand shake, why should it be highlighted? If so why did the media failed to mention Ferdinand's behaviour.
Suarez instigating the tension? What about Evra going on to Ferdinand? He cannot be that daft to make a bad tackle on his own teammate. Why has no one in the media/Ferguson pointed out the clear evidence of Evra possibly out to get on to Suarez, few minutes in the match. Why has no one pointed fingers to Evra when he grabbed hold of Suarez's arm. How could it be possible to justify the victory celebration in front of dejected Suarez. Suarez actually ignored the twattiness displayed while Evra continued being a twat along the path of Suarez.
Football is supposed to be about football. Anything outside of the pitch should be forwarded to Jeremy Kyle since it looked a lot like his show now. Wayne Rooney deserved all the attention for bagging the win for MUFC. Andy Carroll should just stay on the bench as he was invoking every wrath in me.
To football fans being thick-headed, please use some common sense. This is not the Premier League of Hand-Shaking.
To a family member, do not be another ignorant and stupid MUFC supporter by saying 'Let bygones be bygones, Ferdinand only supporting Evra'. The level of contradiction in the statement confused my eyes on the direction they should be rolling.
If this kind of parade continues on, I might as well give up on football as I have long given up on humanity.
Bad Concoction(s)
Nothing is permanent except the soul living in you.
When death greets you personally, have no fear as it is setting your soul free. Free from the tension of the world. The corrupt images of life. The only fear I have is to face the One constantly witnessing every mistakes I have made. If you don't believe in God, just look at it the same manner when you have done wrong to the one you love.
I keep on pressing the backspace button as I cannot elaborate further on my current state.
My apologies to the people I have send in various inventions.
I would like to express my appreciation to two people that have no absolute knowledge of this space. Thank you for the smile inducing text and Facebook notification. Big Man telling me that somehow he misses me and Mario pulls of a surprise informing me that he/she/a robot actually remembers me. Even though only the former replies to my elation, I still appreciate the gestures.
This rapid current is slowing me down. This appears to be an illusion. Like it is being written by separate people. I do not even understand myself right now. Maybe I should not be drinking the stale beverage. Perhaps I should be sleeping when I am crying in a minute and singing to The Saturdays in the next.
Good things will come out of confusions. I am keeping this faith.
Mario, Martin Kaymer, K's appearing everywhere - just stop it. Though Mario is a super classic game, Martin Kaymer is a fairly good golfer judging from the recent Dubai, and K is a generic term.
Do not judge me solely for this madness. I can juggle and en pointe in good days.
Dear God
Free waffle and happy face. Both occurred in one weekend.
May I please have this kind of feeling more often.
Thanks.
May I please have this kind of feeling more often.
Thanks.
Not All Who Wander Are Lost
I might stifle
or choke on the sights
But the soul
is for me to hold
while others breathe
on poetic lines
I might tremble
or stab the move
Still the gift
stays after every touch
and others exchange
for the ride
and the cards keep on speaking for me. Being alone creates wide chances of you going mad. That doesn't necessarily carries a negative idea. Madness. We've all lived through it, but I wonder what happen to those who stays.
So I'll wander on my own. I have known the feeling of dying alone, I will feel the sun on my own. No one wants you around these days, unless you are what they want to see. I for one refuse to be seen in their eyes, because it's nothing but a distorted collection of images they've gathered from the world. The world is not where I come from, as it's where I've been. With the acceptance from them, I'll be the people they've seen before.
It's not a can't but a won't for me. I won't be a manufactured glass for the society to sip on and wash and reuse until I'm broken or ugly. I want to be the broken and ugly that is taken inside and have it stand for the eyes to wonder.
No man could find true happiness when he looks for it in everyone. A man is truly happy when he looks into himself.
We all have our tongue to transparent the minds.
Some may believe I take inspirations from celebrated beings, but as simple as I am, I take it from the unearthed creature(s), DevilDriver for such poignant thoughts in 'Not all who wander are lost'. Great video too. Metal bands do more for me than some megalomaniac writers or smarty pants. And fishermen since they always say the most beautiful things.
Chumba Wumba Gobbledy Goo
Family Guy in itself is an amazing creation, but this completes everything.
The God reference is quite harsh though the song makes up for it, eh? The replay button probably hates me now.
I guess I find myself lucky I am not a fishing pot - the one you see in Deadliest Catch. Being thrown in the cold sea, finding yourself in gloom, waiting for a company. When the crabs come around, you thought finally you will be in a warm environment. Only then to realised they only come for what you have inside. And then you are pulled up to have the goodies all to the people and none for you. The cycle goes on eternally, leaving you empty and cold.
Somehow that pretty much describe the life of a human... Are we (or am I) really are the living counter part of a fishing pot..
Liverpool We Love You
What.About.That
I am enjoying the fact that Manchester United fans are desperately coming up with irrelevant remarks.
1. Sinking the boot in and making Evra jokes/Manchester being crap jokes is one of the lowest class moves. Nothing spells insecurity better than criticising the other team and insulting their fans rather than just being happy about your own team winning. Keep it classy, Liverpool fans
2. Cups? Who cares about cups? Not me. League's where it's at. (And she goes on saying usually home team always have the advantage)
I am enjoying the fact that Manchester United fans are desperately coming up with irrelevant remarks.
1. Sinking the boot in and making Evra jokes/Manchester being crap jokes is one of the lowest class moves. Nothing spells insecurity better than criticising the other team and insulting their fans rather than just being happy about your own team winning. Keep it classy, Liverpool fans
2. Cups? Who cares about cups? Not me. League's where it's at. (And she goes on saying usually home team always have the advantage)
3. Posting picture of a man with Owen's kit, supposedly depicting Owen himself, pissing on LFC's kit.
Others just spout nonsense and being the sore loser.
Others just spout nonsense and being the sore loser.
One. Manchester United fan or any other football fan comprises of a wide range of people. Majority being idiots who rarely show respect for opposing teams. So far the worst had to come from United fans and players. So what ground do you have in speaking for your club when they were chanting on Hillsborough during the match.
Two. Wait, you still have Carlin..., Champions Leag...., Europa?.
Three. How is the bench warmer doing warming up the bench and being chased out by Mr. Barton.
I understand this does not mean we are winning the cup(s) or better than any other team. This is just for United fans and players to get a grip. Joe Hart was a true professional after the match and so did their fans (those responded to me). Each club is sitting on the same position regardless of titles. No club is better than the other, at least that is how I see it. Bolton and Blackburn showed that so stop claiming superiority.
This is the time where I feel the only person could handle the bundle of stupidity displayed today is Jeremy Kyle. If he could shut Chavs up, he could do the same with irrelevant people.
Praying we will take home Carling Cup and move on further for FA. Suarez will be back so hopefully, with luck wanting to be on LFC side, top four is within grasp - though not getting my hopes up.
It is amazing how Manchester City had acquired my respect over the past couple of weeks. I wish them all the best and take home the title. The same goes for every club in the Premier League, except United, Chelsea, Everton, and Tottenham in no particular order.
The question of family friend is now being answered. I am not following the footsteps of my family in supporting Manchester United because I understand the basis of respect towards everyone in sporting activity, and I am not thick enough to support The Devil. Zingsss
Congratuwelldone and good luck Liverpool Football Club and I wish for everything but not further disappointment.
Winning at winning
"Wooow!! Big brother was lively tonight, dnt usually tune in but was flicking through n thought what's jeremy kyle doin on at this time!!"
Not bad boy, considering I actually chuckled.
Had a worst time with the interior of the nasal cavity. It was at this time I had thought, Michael Jackson (RIP) would not have the same problem since he could just take off his nose and have that being dealt by someone else.
Been producing nonsense over this couple of days. Convinced people that F1 drivers are horrible criminals and the actual purpose of F1 was to get rid of the criminals, each race is designed to take out one by one. They never look at you in the eye so that is a clear give away.
I need a good medicine to cure this insanity.
Good luck boys and please win it for me. When the whole household is infested with Ferguson, you need hope to make it through the day. If you lose, I will fucking curse you lots. Or not.
Passionately Under Construction
After three years of navigating Law School, it is evident some of the skills you have developed since birth would lose out bit by bit. In an effort to stop such atrocious cycle, I have decided to make use of the bit that has not run away, yet.
Missing the refine details since it is still in progress. Rough sketches are collecting patience, waiting to be transformed. This is what life is supposed to be. Translating imaginations and visions into feasts for the eyes.
Have no great ability to draw human features, and psychological diagnosis is welcome to explain this. I just draw cats' features on Maggie Gyllenhaal's face. It is uncertain how she would feel about it, but it matters no more than anything else to me.
One month is all that I need to get my passion back. Though it is difficult with ugly girls on the telly who believe they are uber hot and superior. Someone needs to deal with this disaster.
Beatles Echoed Journey
Went on a journey with mother to visit Grandad's grave. In a few days time it would be a month since he passed. Managed to keep some of his belongings. They divided the money in his wallet between the grandchildren. Got 75 for myself and thought of stapling 50 on the wall and spend the remainder - since he always gave me money to buy candies, even when I'm already 20.
With a short break resuming in session, many plans had been in mind.
Thought of staying in France with some locals for a couple of weeks, only to realised I haven't kept enough money. South Africa Project was also within contemplation but mother refused as I have never been there before for her to allow me to stay alone. They're gathering volunteers to care and teach the local children and orphans. Peru has one where you will care and clean stray animals - again permission wasn't warranted.
Generated ideas and thoughts as dreams are free but if only the currency to convert those into reality is in possession.
Since nothing is left to play, going to continue with painting and sketching, and pray so hard for someone to snatch me away from this life. Not asking much, not bothered with being wealthy, just concern in being happy and healthy. Like Grandad had always been.
With a short break resuming in session, many plans had been in mind.
Thought of staying in France with some locals for a couple of weeks, only to realised I haven't kept enough money. South Africa Project was also within contemplation but mother refused as I have never been there before for her to allow me to stay alone. They're gathering volunteers to care and teach the local children and orphans. Peru has one where you will care and clean stray animals - again permission wasn't warranted.
Generated ideas and thoughts as dreams are free but if only the currency to convert those into reality is in possession.
Since nothing is left to play, going to continue with painting and sketching, and pray so hard for someone to snatch me away from this life. Not asking much, not bothered with being wealthy, just concern in being happy and healthy. Like Grandad had always been.
On The Street
and the breaths feel like they would all soon be gone.
Is it common to pick up the pieces of your head that had been ripped off by your own self?
After the end, the favourite Uncle would be in town. Presumably we are going to rewind the session of bird and plane talks, and they are to be taken literally. It is nice to part ways with the people you love, only later on develop the connection again. Since during the long interval will you realise the strong attachment and passion you have towards the people.
After the bad break, hoping would reconnect with life. I know ITV is not the ideal way to assemble the time, but they just feed you good stuffs. And Vernon Kay is on every now and then. It compensates the days where mother decided that Jeremy Kyle would be worth. But yeah, mental people is on that so it seems fine - especially when chavvies come in and start spitting words like 'ospickle' and make walrus like sounds.
Needing that one body that would reciprocate my words with actual reactions.
Tarot readings are still the same. Perhaps that is a clear indication that I have yet to commit to actions that would shape my life.
Circumstances keep playing tricks when it is dark to turn it all in.
Manchester City
you have officially earn my respect now.
My appreciation towards City for a memorable match from both teams I couldn't really care about.
I won't change my mind on the team being a cash club, but I won't avert the very fact they have shown Manchester United and possibly every team in England that they don't back down that easily. They have leave me in complete awe and I am shaking my feet off the ground and worries go to the boys as they are facing City soon.
King Kenny needs to re-evaluate the team and ends the constant reassurance. Finishing top four is the main priority as that is the goal foreseen when the King walks back to his throne. Leave the media and FA in the bin and get the squad together - chucking Potato Man Adam in a place where no one would find him.
Pointers are from todays' match. 10 men against (again) 12 United, thick referee, unfavourable luck on their side, and two goals after down 3-0. The performance from City reminds me on the day Liverpool Football Club snatched the Champions League trophy off Ac Milan. The same drive navigating the movements.
Again, I tip my hat off to Manchester City for brilliant performance. For me, you have won the match. Congratuwelldone even though you failed to go through. May you push LFC players for a win on the next clash.
Uncanny Shots
For a while, coincidences enter the days. It seems normal until it come running at you.
A.
Growing up as a child, constant remarks in being the real life Wednesday Addams are as usual as the smudgy clouds. Even now I am still being observed in similar style. Then couple of days back, did a short research on Addams Family, and it turns out I am a living Wednesday. Grows up braiding the hair (since it is sported every single day, some wanks decided to call me the Red Indian Girl), fascinated with the macabre (I wrote a story on Draculas and Blood Drinking Sisters in Primary, continues the legacy with Death stories in Secondary), and I happen to have one sketch on the wall - a tree with a human face. As uncanny as it appears to be, it is slightly disturbing. No one wants to be the morbid child. However dark and gloomy I may seem at times, I am a lot happier and smiley than Wednesday. Hence, I am like her brighter twin sister, who likes ice cream for breakfast and hates spider.
And someone happens to be the Lurch.
And today Google did Addams Family.
B.
Of the lethargy from studying, decision made to skip the match. Two hours later, awoken by strange air and could not resume sleeping. Watch the bloody stream and happy snaps appear after several misses.
Others follow suit, but prior to last evening conundrum.
Once bitten forever smitten.
C.
Been inflicted with rashes for one straight week now. Not much of coincidence. Thank you stress effect, dusty places, and death. I really enjoy what you did to me darlings.
A.
Growing up as a child, constant remarks in being the real life Wednesday Addams are as usual as the smudgy clouds. Even now I am still being observed in similar style. Then couple of days back, did a short research on Addams Family, and it turns out I am a living Wednesday. Grows up braiding the hair (since it is sported every single day, some wanks decided to call me the Red Indian Girl), fascinated with the macabre (I wrote a story on Draculas and Blood Drinking Sisters in Primary, continues the legacy with Death stories in Secondary), and I happen to have one sketch on the wall - a tree with a human face. As uncanny as it appears to be, it is slightly disturbing. No one wants to be the morbid child. However dark and gloomy I may seem at times, I am a lot happier and smiley than Wednesday. Hence, I am like her brighter twin sister, who likes ice cream for breakfast and hates spider.
And someone happens to be the Lurch.
And today Google did Addams Family.
B.
Of the lethargy from studying, decision made to skip the match. Two hours later, awoken by strange air and could not resume sleeping. Watch the bloody stream and happy snaps appear after several misses.
Others follow suit, but prior to last evening conundrum.
Once bitten forever smitten.
C.
Been inflicted with rashes for one straight week now. Not much of coincidence. Thank you stress effect, dusty places, and death. I really enjoy what you did to me darlings.
Accepting match ban = Racist
Surely that seems easy for everyone who has a trouble against Liverpool Football Club to accept.
I personally haven't read the whole report since actual exam is more important than a football club. Coming from a supporter of the club, it would be seen as a biased reaction towards the situation. However, it's not on the situation that I am expressing my concern with, it's the general public lambasting a person solely from a statement of another and poor judgement, evidently.
Stop parading these politically correct fronts. It's hypocritical of the commentors to debase Luis Suarez from an unfortunate event. Don't tell me you've never slay someone off using what would be a racist remark when say, the person cuts you off the road like a bastard and he/she happens to be of a different origin. I've heard many 'Stupid White/Chinese/Indian/Black-African ...' and other form of such statement. I don't find myself climbing up a moral high ground and concluding these people to be racist idiots.
Actions speak louder than words. If you can't grasp the idea then you shouldn't speak on behalf of people who can actually utilise their brains.
I don't think John Terry is a racist even with the direct evidence showing him murmuring such word. Unless he had refused any contact with Ferdinand then yes, he'll be a racist. But I hope he will be receiving the same or greater punishment as Suarez's because of an actual evidence in hand.
By the way dear FA, didn't Evra admitted in producing words of similar sensitivity, why isn't he being given the same treatment.
Lets just hope this mania would eat Evra and his alliance when The Racist get back on the pitch for the clash. That's the only justice I could think of. But if LFC lost, it wouldn't mean that Suarez is a racist or guilty.
I personally haven't read the whole report since actual exam is more important than a football club. Coming from a supporter of the club, it would be seen as a biased reaction towards the situation. However, it's not on the situation that I am expressing my concern with, it's the general public lambasting a person solely from a statement of another and poor judgement, evidently.
Stop parading these politically correct fronts. It's hypocritical of the commentors to debase Luis Suarez from an unfortunate event. Don't tell me you've never slay someone off using what would be a racist remark when say, the person cuts you off the road like a bastard and he/she happens to be of a different origin. I've heard many 'Stupid White/Chinese/Indian/Black-African ...' and other form of such statement. I don't find myself climbing up a moral high ground and concluding these people to be racist idiots.
Actions speak louder than words. If you can't grasp the idea then you shouldn't speak on behalf of people who can actually utilise their brains.
I don't think John Terry is a racist even with the direct evidence showing him murmuring such word. Unless he had refused any contact with Ferdinand then yes, he'll be a racist. But I hope he will be receiving the same or greater punishment as Suarez's because of an actual evidence in hand.
By the way dear FA, didn't Evra admitted in producing words of similar sensitivity, why isn't he being given the same treatment.
Lets just hope this mania would eat Evra and his alliance when The Racist get back on the pitch for the clash. That's the only justice I could think of. But if LFC lost, it wouldn't mean that Suarez is a racist or guilty.
I enter 2012
without a Grandfather.
The news came while we were having breakfast. Shock as anyone could've imagined. Mother literally went mad - crying, wailing and screaming at the face of any. With the deliverance of the bad news, all plans for celebrations turned into a funeral procession.
Throughout the day I kept on reminding myself there's a slight possibility the family did a mistake and he hasn't died.
His face was all I could remember. Kissing him for one last time, and seeing the look before he would be sent away. Without any illness or health complications, he shut his eyes and opened a different chapter in our lives.
It was only after we had completed his death, stories came about. A month before the 31st December, after my brother married his wife, Grandpa went over to him, telling him with his marriage he can now die with his eyes close tight. Ten days before his leaving, he told my cousin that in 10 days time he'll be gone. None of these would've made sense to minds as he had always been the joker.
Truth is, I still hasn't come to terms to his death, as I dreamt of him coming home, telling us all it was a mistake and he was only in deep sleep. I don't know the ways to get this into my head. I failed to fulfil my intention in having him next to me in Anfield, watching the boys do us proud. I can no longer have tea with him, the last thing he promised to have with me, a month before he went away.
I didn't do the things I promised myself and him, and I am unable to perform it now. There is a part of me praying this would all be a dream.
He passed as a good man, few hours after the team we both supported take home the win.
Apart from the regret, I get to care for him when he fell ill, and see him for the last time - when we nearly missed the goodbye as I was with friends.
Grandpa, I hope we'll see each other in the next life and you will still love me as how I do now. I miss you..
The news came while we were having breakfast. Shock as anyone could've imagined. Mother literally went mad - crying, wailing and screaming at the face of any. With the deliverance of the bad news, all plans for celebrations turned into a funeral procession.
Throughout the day I kept on reminding myself there's a slight possibility the family did a mistake and he hasn't died.
His face was all I could remember. Kissing him for one last time, and seeing the look before he would be sent away. Without any illness or health complications, he shut his eyes and opened a different chapter in our lives.
It was only after we had completed his death, stories came about. A month before the 31st December, after my brother married his wife, Grandpa went over to him, telling him with his marriage he can now die with his eyes close tight. Ten days before his leaving, he told my cousin that in 10 days time he'll be gone. None of these would've made sense to minds as he had always been the joker.
Truth is, I still hasn't come to terms to his death, as I dreamt of him coming home, telling us all it was a mistake and he was only in deep sleep. I don't know the ways to get this into my head. I failed to fulfil my intention in having him next to me in Anfield, watching the boys do us proud. I can no longer have tea with him, the last thing he promised to have with me, a month before he went away.
I didn't do the things I promised myself and him, and I am unable to perform it now. There is a part of me praying this would all be a dream.
He passed as a good man, few hours after the team we both supported take home the win.
Apart from the regret, I get to care for him when he fell ill, and see him for the last time - when we nearly missed the goodbye as I was with friends.
Grandpa, I hope we'll see each other in the next life and you will still love me as how I do now. I miss you..
You know me from no reason
And she dances with her skin. Bearing the earth breaths. Dancing to disappear. Chase the lights away. Fall addicted to the silence. And he watches her move her soul. Gazing upon the grace under the lighted darkness. Carefully whispering the lines. 'And I feel you'. Pushing her feet to the ground. 'How can you feel when I move. When every elevation is of reasons. How can you feel when you know of no reasons'.
Mother is a dancer. Faithfully affecting her body to a story. A beautiful rhythm where people enjoy in the dark.
I rarely dance. Especially in front of people. As I have no story to tell. No rhythm to sway you close to me.
I long to move. With the air and the trees. Serenading me to peace.
Once you see me dance with my skin, then it is of my expectation, to have you see me through.
Mother is a dancer. Faithfully affecting her body to a story. A beautiful rhythm where people enjoy in the dark.
I rarely dance. Especially in front of people. As I have no story to tell. No rhythm to sway you close to me.
I long to move. With the air and the trees. Serenading me to peace.
Once you see me dance with my skin, then it is of my expectation, to have you see me through.
Nature Child
"You are free spirited as you remember what it is like being a child. The problem is, you don't seem too interested in the life we are all in. Find a flower or a path, as that would guide you further."
The trouble in knowing weird people.... They shouldn't have asked me to search for a flower, since they SHOULD know I am allergic to those.
Mother should have never involved herself with clairvoyants, psychics, card readers, or whatever they wish to be called. None of them has actually produced words I want to hear. One have mentioned 'You will only be happy when you reached the later age', and another one 'You don't seem to be in sync with the world. Perhaps someone could pull you in'.
Growing up it is usual for the family, friends or strangers to perceive me as weird, eccentric, alien-like creature. Some even told me that they would not be surprised if it is exposed that I am an alien. One old man believed that I am the child of the nature. Who separate self from the build ups and the known. Again, whatever that may inspire, wouldn't attract me that much.
I love nature, animal, rocks, and I even intended to study leaves once - until I realized no one is interested in joining. As a child I had proclaimed my love for the wild nature, writing 'I love Tarzan' on the wall of my bedroom, and writing letters to my mother asking her to accept a monkey as my brother. It all seemed natural to me, even the family grow to come to such terms.
If I am left with a choice, I would have abandon this life and retreat to the wild. A nice tree house or a cosy cave to call home. Not too worried on food, since if my life is to be put to a halt, my body would be an offering to the earth, to take me back they way it has created me.
Oh and nobody would tell me to brush my hair or shave.
Dreams and wishes are free, but it would be immense if I have the currency to make it real.
And I hate hippies, because they don't save themselves for the earth - bunch of pretentious grouping who are actually quite interesting, but fail to serve the purpose.
The trouble in knowing weird people.... They shouldn't have asked me to search for a flower, since they SHOULD know I am allergic to those.
Mother should have never involved herself with clairvoyants, psychics, card readers, or whatever they wish to be called. None of them has actually produced words I want to hear. One have mentioned 'You will only be happy when you reached the later age', and another one 'You don't seem to be in sync with the world. Perhaps someone could pull you in'.
Growing up it is usual for the family, friends or strangers to perceive me as weird, eccentric, alien-like creature. Some even told me that they would not be surprised if it is exposed that I am an alien. One old man believed that I am the child of the nature. Who separate self from the build ups and the known. Again, whatever that may inspire, wouldn't attract me that much.
I love nature, animal, rocks, and I even intended to study leaves once - until I realized no one is interested in joining. As a child I had proclaimed my love for the wild nature, writing 'I love Tarzan' on the wall of my bedroom, and writing letters to my mother asking her to accept a monkey as my brother. It all seemed natural to me, even the family grow to come to such terms.
If I am left with a choice, I would have abandon this life and retreat to the wild. A nice tree house or a cosy cave to call home. Not too worried on food, since if my life is to be put to a halt, my body would be an offering to the earth, to take me back they way it has created me.
Oh and nobody would tell me to brush my hair or shave.
Dreams and wishes are free, but it would be immense if I have the currency to make it real.
And I hate hippies, because they don't save themselves for the earth - bunch of pretentious grouping who are actually quite interesting, but fail to serve the purpose.
Happy Christmas Donkeys
Past:
- Late night poker coupled with drunken carolling
- Gathering around the lighted tree discussing WWII
- Running around a hotel with a bucket full of ice, with a nice White Elephant the next day.
- Picnic at the park, witnessing a mental man with an imaginary dog.
- Dousing in Glogg and Julmust with your voice on the line.
- Freezing party on a frozen lake in one country, and Champagne party in another, on the same year.
Current:
- Shit movies with nostalgic run down on the past.
Future:
- Tenerife, with the lads, laughs, and foodies.
- Late night poker coupled with drunken carolling
- Gathering around the lighted tree discussing WWII
- Running around a hotel with a bucket full of ice, with a nice White Elephant the next day.
- Picnic at the park, witnessing a mental man with an imaginary dog.
- Dousing in Glogg and Julmust with your voice on the line.
- Freezing party on a frozen lake in one country, and Champagne party in another, on the same year.
Current:
- Shit movies with nostalgic run down on the past.
Future:
- Tenerife, with the lads, laughs, and foodies.
Living is personal
'Why do people seems to hold on to the decision to shit on us?"
For New Year, I will adopt a different approach to life. Instead of worrying about the non-existence duty to please others, the only thing to occupy my mind would be on myself and my mother.
I have my studies, my health, and my future to guard - in addition of the bad events that have befall on my mother. With her alarming health problem, horrible people intensely waging grudges against her, and the unfortunate financial crisis with credits to the super efficient government.
It is within thoughts that during this time, people around me would gather strength and channel it in, to hold me together when it is all falling apart. The opposite impression is the only support they decided to give. A part of me is in bliss to have distant my soul from others, having the chance to be with my mother for a whole week. No regret is spared for neglecting the pictures of laughters, as those are temporary.
The exact fact that no one can or wants to displace the unwanted news that is slowly reaching us on the 29th makes it definite.
I will be fine with the looks on me, spitting the nauseating words that do not even compute in rational minds. I will be fine with your(s) treatments that stem from imbecile minds. I will be fine with your(s) absence as you (s) serve me no purpose. I will be fine to leave you behind, just like how you left me when the struggles pull me in.
There will be no hesitation, to not see you bastard as friends.
If is it difficult to appreciate my feelings, then you should probably stop lingering, because I have keep all the fucks in my pocket and there is intention in handing them out just yet.
To the idiot hag that spread silly stories on how my mother faked her health problems to get out of work, my mother was bed-ridden for two months with me having to come from school every fucking day to care for her, and now there is a strong possibility that it will occur, again. So my wish for you that you will experience worse and suffer, because none of your children is civilised and actually care for you. Good luck going through that because a scum like you deserves nothing. And you are ugly and so are your daughters.
To the 'friends', I can only hope one day you will get your entitlement. Anyone with an audacity to say such about a person, would only belong in hell or a really bad place if you do not believe in those.
And to everyone else who has been rather impressive in writing me off, thank you for drawing me closer to my senses.
I have dispose friends before, so do not think you people are worthy for me to keep. To those who will never be close to me, pray that on the 29th, good news are for myself and mother to embrace. And God, I am inadequate to walk under these clouds.
and Hanna, thank you for stealing my idea of having that tattoo on the back of the neck. You little scoundrel.
For New Year, I will adopt a different approach to life. Instead of worrying about the non-existence duty to please others, the only thing to occupy my mind would be on myself and my mother.
I have my studies, my health, and my future to guard - in addition of the bad events that have befall on my mother. With her alarming health problem, horrible people intensely waging grudges against her, and the unfortunate financial crisis with credits to the super efficient government.
It is within thoughts that during this time, people around me would gather strength and channel it in, to hold me together when it is all falling apart. The opposite impression is the only support they decided to give. A part of me is in bliss to have distant my soul from others, having the chance to be with my mother for a whole week. No regret is spared for neglecting the pictures of laughters, as those are temporary.
The exact fact that no one can or wants to displace the unwanted news that is slowly reaching us on the 29th makes it definite.
I will be fine with the looks on me, spitting the nauseating words that do not even compute in rational minds. I will be fine with your(s) treatments that stem from imbecile minds. I will be fine with your(s) absence as you (s) serve me no purpose. I will be fine to leave you behind, just like how you left me when the struggles pull me in.
There will be no hesitation, to not see you bastard as friends.
If is it difficult to appreciate my feelings, then you should probably stop lingering, because I have keep all the fucks in my pocket and there is intention in handing them out just yet.
To the idiot hag that spread silly stories on how my mother faked her health problems to get out of work, my mother was bed-ridden for two months with me having to come from school every fucking day to care for her, and now there is a strong possibility that it will occur, again. So my wish for you that you will experience worse and suffer, because none of your children is civilised and actually care for you. Good luck going through that because a scum like you deserves nothing. And you are ugly and so are your daughters.
To the 'friends', I can only hope one day you will get your entitlement. Anyone with an audacity to say such about a person, would only belong in hell or a really bad place if you do not believe in those.
And to everyone else who has been rather impressive in writing me off, thank you for drawing me closer to my senses.
I have dispose friends before, so do not think you people are worthy for me to keep. To those who will never be close to me, pray that on the 29th, good news are for myself and mother to embrace. And God, I am inadequate to walk under these clouds.
and Hanna, thank you for stealing my idea of having that tattoo on the back of the neck. You little scoundrel.
Like Every Other Fuck You's
It seems ridiculous how we are struggling to balance off on the sinking boat. It seems ridiculous how you don't seem to get the plea.
I know for a fact that if I had accepted the invitation and pursue the urge to spend the night away with you, we would have been in a different set of life. Regret is circling my head. Regret is injecting itself on me.
I cannot spare a moment to beg you to go away, as we have known each other for so long. Though it is a pleasant option for you leave me and never look back. We may have found something inside but it is tailored for a different occasion. I will make you leave, because that is the only way I could find peace. The memories is ours to keep, but I must refuse an extension of such collection.
If this happen to be within your normal experience, please forgive me for driving you away. The horrifying days where you call for me, and displace me. Can no longer linger around this shit,
I know for a fact that if I had accepted the invitation and pursue the urge to spend the night away with you, we would have been in a different set of life. Regret is circling my head. Regret is injecting itself on me.
I cannot spare a moment to beg you to go away, as we have known each other for so long. Though it is a pleasant option for you leave me and never look back. We may have found something inside but it is tailored for a different occasion. I will make you leave, because that is the only way I could find peace. The memories is ours to keep, but I must refuse an extension of such collection.
If this happen to be within your normal experience, please forgive me for driving you away. The horrifying days where you call for me, and displace me. Can no longer linger around this shit,
Permanent Self
When the rain falls
under the shining lights.
When the tree shakes
on exchanges of smiles.
When our eyes closed
and the feelings grow.
Maybe these days are
nothing but a dream.
..................................
While I was supposed to let my ears pick up the readings I get by watching the lips, the thought that perhaps these very lengthy days could very well be just a dream. Like when you sleep for a couple of hours, but you developed multiple events that would normally stretch to days. It could possibly be that we are in a very comforting position, and our minds decided to take off. Wandering around the lines, building the seconds.
And at the end of it all, the sound breaks in and we no longer exist as we were in it. I would probably be an obnoxious cow lamenting on the absence of cosmetic shit, or I am the persona I have always been dreaming of in the dream.
This could be a case of lethargy. Or my head can no longer pursue the greater thoughts. Or I am giving up, hence the idea that this life is not real and temporary. Though that line does make sense as life is temporary.
But with that, what is permanent?
Not feelings, builds, faces.
What is permanent for me to hold on to?
What is permanent for me to remind myself of?
What is permanent for me to feel safe?
What is permanent for me to exist?
under the shining lights.
When the tree shakes
on exchanges of smiles.
When our eyes closed
and the feelings grow.
Maybe these days are
nothing but a dream.
..................................
While I was supposed to let my ears pick up the readings I get by watching the lips, the thought that perhaps these very lengthy days could very well be just a dream. Like when you sleep for a couple of hours, but you developed multiple events that would normally stretch to days. It could possibly be that we are in a very comforting position, and our minds decided to take off. Wandering around the lines, building the seconds.
And at the end of it all, the sound breaks in and we no longer exist as we were in it. I would probably be an obnoxious cow lamenting on the absence of cosmetic shit, or I am the persona I have always been dreaming of in the dream.
This could be a case of lethargy. Or my head can no longer pursue the greater thoughts. Or I am giving up, hence the idea that this life is not real and temporary. Though that line does make sense as life is temporary.
But with that, what is permanent?
Not feelings, builds, faces.
What is permanent for me to hold on to?
What is permanent for me to remind myself of?
What is permanent for me to feel safe?
What is permanent for me to exist?
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