Not All Who Wander Are Lost

I might stifle

or choke on the sights

But the soul

is for me to hold

while others breathe

on poetic lines

I might tremble

or stab the move

Still the gift

stays after every touch

and others exchange

for the ride

and the cards keep on speaking for me. Being alone creates wide chances of you going mad. That doesn't necessarily carries a negative idea. Madness. We've all lived through it, but I wonder what happen to those who stays. 

So I'll wander on my own. I have known the feeling of dying alone, I will feel the sun on my own. No one wants you around these days, unless you are what they want to see. I for one refuse to be seen in their eyes, because it's nothing but a distorted collection of images they've gathered from the world. The world is not where I come from, as it's where I've been. With the acceptance from them, I'll be the people they've seen before. 

It's not a can't but a won't for me. I won't be a manufactured glass for the society to sip on and wash and reuse until I'm broken or ugly. I want to be the broken and ugly that is taken inside and have it stand for the eyes to wonder. 

No man could find true happiness when he looks for it in everyone. A man is truly happy when he looks into himself. 

We all have our tongue to transparent the minds.

Some may believe I take inspirations from celebrated beings, but as simple as I am, I take it from the unearthed creature(s), DevilDriver for such poignant thoughts in 'Not all who wander are lost'. Great video too. Metal bands do more for me than some megalomaniac writers or smarty pants. And fishermen since they always say the most beautiful things. 

Chumba Wumba Gobbledy Goo

Family Guy in itself is an amazing creation, but this completes everything.

The God reference is quite harsh though the song makes up for it, eh? The replay button probably hates me now. 

I guess I find myself lucky I am not a fishing pot - the one you see in Deadliest Catch. Being thrown in the cold sea, finding yourself in gloom, waiting for a company. When the crabs come around, you thought finally you will be in a warm environment. Only then to realised they only come for what you have inside. And then you are pulled up to have the goodies all to the people and none for you. The cycle goes on eternally, leaving you empty and cold.

Somehow that pretty much describe the life of a human... Are we (or am I) really are the living counter part of a fishing pot.. 

Liverpool We Love You

What.About.That

I am enjoying the fact that Manchester United fans are desperately coming up with irrelevant remarks.

1. Sinking the boot in and making Evra jokes/Manchester being crap jokes is one of the lowest class moves. Nothing spells insecurity better than criticising the other team and insulting their fans rather than just being happy about your own team winning. Keep it classy, Liverpool fans

2. Cups? Who cares about cups? Not me. League's where it's at. (And she goes on saying usually home team always have the advantage)

3. Posting picture of a man with Owen's kit, supposedly depicting Owen himself, pissing on LFC's kit.

Others just spout nonsense and being the sore loser. 

One. Manchester United fan or any other football fan comprises of a wide range of people. Majority being idiots who rarely show respect for opposing teams. So far the worst had to come from United fans and players. So what ground do you have in speaking for your club when they were chanting on Hillsborough during the match. 

Two. Wait, you still have Carlin..., Champions Leag...., Europa?. 

Three. How is the bench warmer doing warming up the bench and being chased out by Mr. Barton.

I understand this does not mean we are winning the cup(s) or better than any other team. This is just for United fans and players to get a grip. Joe Hart was a true professional after the match and so did their fans (those responded to me). Each club is sitting on the same position regardless of titles. No club is better than the other, at least that is how I see it. Bolton and Blackburn showed that so stop claiming superiority. 

This is the time where I feel the only person could handle the bundle of stupidity displayed today is Jeremy Kyle. If he could shut Chavs up, he could do the same with irrelevant people.

Praying we will take home Carling Cup and move on further for FA. Suarez will be back so hopefully, with luck wanting to be on LFC side, top four is within grasp - though not getting my hopes up.

It is amazing how Manchester City had acquired my respect over the past couple of weeks. I wish them all the best and take home the title. The same goes for every club in the Premier League, except United, Chelsea, Everton, and Tottenham in no particular order. 

The question of family friend is now being answered. I am not following the footsteps of my family in supporting Manchester United because I understand the basis of respect towards everyone in sporting activity, and I am not thick enough to support The Devil. Zingsss

Congratuwelldone and good luck Liverpool Football Club and I wish for everything but not further disappointment.

Winning at winning

"Wooow!! Big brother was lively tonight, dnt usually tune in but was flicking through n thought what's jeremy kyle doin on at this time!!"

Not bad boy, considering I actually chuckled. 

Had a worst time with the interior of the nasal cavity. It was at this time I had thought, Michael Jackson (RIP) would not have the same problem since he could just take off his nose and have that being dealt by someone else. 

Been producing nonsense over this couple of days. Convinced people that F1 drivers are horrible criminals and the actual purpose of F1 was to get rid of the criminals, each race is designed to take out one by one. They never look at you in the eye so that is a clear give away.

I need a good medicine to cure this insanity. 

Good luck boys and please win it for me. When the whole household is infested with Ferguson, you need hope to make it through the day. If you lose, I will fucking curse you lots. Or not.

Passionately Under Construction

After three years of navigating Law School, it is evident some of the skills you have developed since birth would lose out bit by bit. In an effort to stop such atrocious cycle, I have decided to make use of the bit that  has not run away, yet.

Missing the refine details since it is still in progress. Rough sketches are collecting patience, waiting to be transformed. This is what life is supposed to be. Translating imaginations and visions into feasts for the eyes.

Have no great ability to draw human features, and psychological diagnosis is welcome to explain this. I just draw cats' features on Maggie Gyllenhaal's face. It is uncertain how she would feel about it, but it matters no more than anything else to me.

One month is all that I need to get my passion back. Though it is difficult with ugly girls on the telly who believe they are uber hot and superior. Someone needs to deal with this disaster.

Beatles Echoed Journey

Went on a journey with mother to visit Grandad's grave. In a few days time it would be a month since he passed. Managed to keep some of his belongings. They divided the money in his wallet between the grandchildren. Got 75 for myself and thought of stapling 50 on the wall and spend the remainder - since he always gave me money to buy candies, even when I'm already 20.

With a short break resuming in session, many plans had been in mind.

Thought of staying in France with some locals for a couple of weeks, only to realised I haven't kept enough money. South Africa Project was also within contemplation but mother refused as I have never been there before for her to allow me to stay alone. They're gathering volunteers to care and teach the local children and orphans. Peru has one where you will care and clean stray animals - again permission wasn't warranted.

Generated ideas and thoughts as dreams are free but if only the currency to convert those into reality is in possession.

Since nothing is left to play, going to continue with painting and sketching, and pray so hard for someone to snatch me away from this life. Not asking much, not bothered with being wealthy, just concern in being happy and healthy. Like Grandad had always been.

On The Street

and the breaths feel like they would all soon be gone.

Is it common to pick up the pieces of your head that had been ripped off by your own self? 

After the end, the favourite Uncle would be in town. Presumably we are going to rewind the session of bird and plane talks, and they are to be taken literally. It is nice to part ways with the people you love, only later on develop the connection again. Since during the long interval will you realise the strong attachment and passion you have towards the people. 

After the bad break, hoping would reconnect with life. I know ITV is not the ideal way to assemble the time, but they just feed you good stuffs. And Vernon Kay is on every now and then. It compensates the days where mother decided that Jeremy Kyle would be worth. But yeah, mental people is on that so it seems fine - especially when chavvies come in and start spitting words like 'ospickle' and make walrus like sounds. 

Needing that one body that would reciprocate my words with actual reactions. 

Tarot readings are still the same. Perhaps that is a clear indication that I have yet to commit to actions that would shape my life. 

Circumstances keep playing tricks when it is dark to turn it all in.

Manchester City

you have officially earn my respect now.

(http://bdwhite.tumblr.com/)

My appreciation towards City for a memorable match from both teams I couldn't really care about.

I won't change my mind on the team being a cash club, but I won't avert the very fact they have shown Manchester United and possibly every team in England that they don't back down that easily. They have leave me in complete awe and I am shaking my feet off the ground and worries go to the boys as they are facing City soon. 

King Kenny needs to re-evaluate the team and ends the constant reassurance. Finishing top four is the main priority as that is the goal foreseen when the King walks back to his throne. Leave the media and FA in the bin and get the squad together - chucking Potato Man Adam in a place where no one would find him. 

Pointers are from todays' match. 10 men against (again) 12 United, thick referee, unfavourable luck on their side, and two goals after down 3-0. The performance from City reminds me on the day Liverpool Football Club snatched the Champions League trophy off Ac Milan. The same drive navigating the movements. 

Again, I tip my hat off to Manchester City for brilliant performance. For me, you have won the match. Congratuwelldone even though you failed to go through. May you push LFC players for a win on the next clash. 

Uncanny Shots

For a while, coincidences enter the days. It seems normal until it come running at you.

A.

Growing up as a child, constant remarks in being the real life Wednesday Addams are as usual as the smudgy clouds. Even now I am still being observed in similar style. Then couple of days back, did a short research on Addams Family, and it turns out I am a living Wednesday. Grows up braiding the hair (since it is sported every single day, some wanks decided to call me the Red Indian Girl), fascinated with the macabre (I wrote a story on Draculas and Blood Drinking Sisters in Primary, continues the legacy with Death stories in Secondary), and I happen to have one sketch on the wall - a tree with a human face. As uncanny as it appears to be, it is slightly disturbing. No one wants to be the morbid child. However dark and gloomy I may seem at times, I am a lot happier and smiley than Wednesday. Hence, I am like her brighter twin sister, who likes ice cream for breakfast and hates spider.

And someone happens to be the Lurch.

And today Google did Addams Family.


B.

Of the lethargy from studying, decision made to skip the match. Two hours later, awoken by strange air and could not resume sleeping. Watch the bloody stream and happy snaps appear after several misses.

Others follow suit, but prior to last evening conundrum.

Once bitten forever smitten.


C.

Been inflicted with rashes for one straight week now. Not much of coincidence. Thank you stress effect, dusty places, and death. I really enjoy what you did to me darlings.

Accepting match ban = Racist

Surely that seems easy for everyone who has a trouble against Liverpool Football Club to accept.

I personally haven't read the whole report since actual exam is more important than a football club. Coming from a supporter of the club, it would be seen as a biased reaction towards the situation. However, it's not on the situation that I am expressing my concern with, it's the general public lambasting a person solely from a statement of another and poor judgement, evidently.

Stop parading these politically correct fronts. It's hypocritical of the commentors  to debase Luis Suarez from an unfortunate event. Don't tell me you've never slay someone off using what would be a racist remark when say, the person cuts you off the road like a bastard and he/she happens to be of a different origin. I've heard many 'Stupid White/Chinese/Indian/Black-African ...' and other form of such statement. I don't find myself climbing up a moral high ground and concluding these people to be racist idiots.

Actions speak louder than words. If you can't grasp the idea then you shouldn't speak on behalf of people who can actually utilise their brains.

I don't think John Terry is a racist even with the direct evidence showing him murmuring such word. Unless he had refused any contact with Ferdinand then yes, he'll be a racist. But I hope he will be receiving the same or greater punishment as Suarez's because of an actual evidence in hand.

By the way dear FA, didn't Evra admitted in producing words of similar sensitivity, why isn't he being given the same treatment.

Lets just hope this mania would eat Evra and his alliance when The Racist get back on the pitch for the clash. That's the only justice I could think of. But if LFC lost, it wouldn't mean that Suarez is a racist or guilty.

I enter 2012

without a Grandfather.

The news came while we were having breakfast. Shock as anyone could've imagined. Mother literally went mad - crying, wailing and screaming at the face of any. With the deliverance of the bad news, all plans for celebrations turned into a funeral procession.

Throughout the day I kept on reminding myself there's a slight possibility the family did a mistake and he hasn't died.

His face was all I could remember. Kissing him for one last time, and seeing the look before he would be sent away. Without any illness or health complications, he shut his eyes and opened a different chapter in our lives.

It was only after we had completed his death, stories came about. A month before the 31st December, after my brother married his wife, Grandpa went over to him, telling him with his marriage he can now die with his eyes close tight. Ten days before his leaving, he told my cousin that in 10 days time he'll be gone. None of these would've made sense to minds as he had always been the joker.

Truth is, I still hasn't come to terms to his death, as I dreamt of him coming home, telling us all it was a mistake and he was only in deep sleep. I don't know the ways to get this into my head. I failed to fulfil my intention in having him next to me in Anfield, watching the boys do us proud. I can no longer have tea with him, the last thing he promised to have with me, a month before he went away.

I didn't do the things I promised myself and him, and I am unable to perform it now. There is a part of me praying this would all be a dream.

He passed as a good man, few hours after the team we both supported take home the win.

Apart from the regret, I get to care for him when he fell ill, and see him for the last time - when we nearly missed the goodbye as I was with friends.

Grandpa, I hope we'll see each other in the next life and you will still love me as how I do now. I miss you..