SafeYourPins

Bad Concoction(s)

2012-02-06T15:59:00.001Z

Nothing is permanent except the soul living in you.

When death greets you personally, have no fear as it is setting your soul free. Free from the tension of the world. The corrupt images of life. The only fear I have is to face the One constantly witnessing every mistakes I have made. If you don't believe in God, just look at it the same manner when you have done wrong to the one you love.

I keep on pressing the backspace button as I cannot elaborate further on my current state.

My apologies to the people I have send in various inventions.

I would like to express my appreciation to two people that have no absolute knowledge of this space. Thank you for the smile inducing text and Facebook notification. Big Man telling me that somehow he misses me and Mario pulls of a surprise informing me that he/she/a robot actually remembers me. Even though only the former replies to my elation, I still appreciate the gestures.

This rapid current is slowing me down. This appears to be an illusion. Like it is being written by separate people. I do not even understand myself right now. Maybe I should not be drinking the stale beverage. Perhaps I should be sleeping when I am crying in a minute and singing to The Saturdays in the next.

Good things will come out of confusions. I am keeping this faith.

Mario, Martin Kaymer, K's appearing everywhere - just stop it. Though Mario is a super classic game, Martin Kaymer is a fairly good golfer judging from the recent Dubai, and K is a generic term.

Do not judge me solely for this madness. I can juggle and en pointe in good days.

Dear God

2012-02-05T10:13:00.003Z

Free waffle and happy face. Both occurred in one weekend.

May I please have this kind of feeling more often.

Thanks.

Not All Who Wander Are Lost

2012-01-31T04:30:00.001Z

I might stifle

or choke on the sights

But the soul

is for me to hold

while others breathe

on poetic lines

I might tremble

or stab the move

Still the gift

stays after every touch

and others exchange

for the ride

and the cards keep on speaking for me. Being alone creates wide chances of you going mad. That doesn't necessarily carries a negative idea. Madness. We've all lived through it, but I wonder what happen to those who stays.

So I'll wander on my own. I have known the feeling of dying alone, I will feel the sun on my own. No one wants you around these days, unless you are what they want to see. I for one refuse to be seen in their eyes, because it's nothing but a distorted collection of images they've gathered from the world. The world is not where I come from, as it's where I've been. With the acceptance from them, I'll be the people they've seen before.

It's not a can't but a won't for me. I won't be a manufactured glass for the society to sip on and wash and reuse until I'm broken or ugly. I want to be the broken and ugly that is taken inside and have it stand for the eyes to wonder.

No man could find true happiness when he looks for it in everyone. A man is truly happy when he looks into himself.

We all have our tongue to transparent the minds.

Some may believe I take inspirations from celebrated beings, but as simple as I am, I take it from the unearthed creature(s), DevilDriver for such poignant thoughts in 'Not all who wander are lost'. Great video too. Metal bands do more for me than some megalomaniac writers or smarty pants. And fishermen since they always say the most beautiful things.

Chumba Wumba Gobbledy Goo

2012-01-30T15:03:00.001Z

Family Guy in itself is an amazing creation, but this completes everything.

The God reference is quite harsh though the song makes up for it, eh? The replay button probably hates me now.

I guess I find myself lucky I am not a fishing pot - the one you see in Deadliest Catch. Being thrown in the cold sea, finding yourself in gloom, waiting for a company. When the crabs come around, you thought finally you will be in a warm environment. Only then to realised they only come for what you have inside. And then you are pulled up to have the goodies all to the people and none for you. The cycle goes on eternally, leaving you empty and cold.

Somehow that pretty much describe the life of a human... Are we (or am I) really are the living counter part of a fishing pot..

Liverpool We Love You

2012-01-28T15:32:00.001Z

What.About.That

I am enjoying the fact that Manchester United fans are desperately coming up with irrelevant remarks.

1. Sinking the boot in and making Evra jokes/Manchester being crap jokes is one of the lowest class moves. Nothing spells insecurity better than criticising the other team and insulting their fans rather than just being happy about your own team winning. Keep it classy, Liverpool fans

2. Cups? Who cares about cups? Not me. League's where it's at. (And she goes on saying usually home team always have the advantage)

3. Posting picture of a man with Owen's kit, supposedly depicting Owen himself, pissing on LFC's kit.

Others just spout nonsense and being the sore loser.

One. Manchester United fan or any other football fan comprises of a wide range of people. Majority being idiots who rarely show respect for opposing teams. So far the worst had to come from United fans and players. So what ground do you have in speaking for your club when they were chanting on Hillsborough during the match.

Two. Wait, you still have Carlin..., Champions Leag...., Europa?.

Three. How is the bench warmer doing warming up the bench and being chased out by Mr. Barton.

I understand this does not mean we are winning the cup(s) or better than any other team. This is just for United fans and players to get a grip. Joe Hart was a true professional after the match and so did their fans (those responded to me). Each club is sitting on the same position regardless of titles. No club is better than the other, at least that is how I see it. Bolton and Blackburn showed that so stop claiming superiority.

This is the time where I feel the only person could handle the bundle of stupidity displayed today is Jeremy Kyle. If he could shut Chavs up, he could do the same with irrelevant people.

Praying we will take home Carling Cup and move on further for FA. Suarez will be back so hopefully, with luck wanting to be on LFC side, top four is within grasp - though not getting my hopes up.

It is amazing how Manchester City had acquired my respect over the past couple of weeks. I wish them all the best and take home the title. The same goes for every club in the Premier League, except United, Chelsea, Everton, and Tottenham in no particular order.

The question of family friend is now being answered. I am not following the footsteps of my family in supporting Manchester United because I understand the basis of respect towards everyone in sporting activity, and I am not thick enough to support The Devil. Zingsss

Congratuwelldone and good luck Liverpool Football Club and I wish for everything but not further disappointment.

Winning at winning

2012-01-28T01:03:00.000Z

"Wooow!! Big brother was lively tonight, dnt usually tune in but was flicking through n thought what's jeremy kyle doin on at this time!!"

Not bad boy, considering I actually chuckled.

Had a worst time with the interior of the nasal cavity. It was at this time I had thought, Michael Jackson (RIP) would not have the same problem since he could just take off his nose and have that being dealt by someone else.

Been producing nonsense over this couple of days. Convinced people that F1 drivers are horrible criminals and the actual purpose of F1 was to get rid of the criminals, each race is designed to take out one by one. They never look at you in the eye so that is a clear give away.

I need a good medicine to cure this insanity.

Good luck boys and please win it for me. When the whole household is infested with Ferguson, you need hope to make it through the day. If you lose, I will fucking curse you lots. Or not.

Passionately Under Construction

2012-01-26T12:49:00.001Z

After three years of navigating Law School, it is evident some of the skills you have developed since birth would lose out bit by bit. In an effort to stop such atrocious cycle, I have decided to make use of the bit that has not run away, yet.

Missing the refine details since it is still in progress. Rough sketches are collecting patience, waiting to be transformed. This is what life is supposed to be. Translating imaginations and visions into feasts for the eyes.

Have no great ability to draw human features, and psychological diagnosis is welcome to explain this. I just draw cats' features on Maggie Gyllenhaal's face. It is uncertain how she would feel about it, but it matters no more than anything else to me.

One month is all that I need to get my passion back. Though it is difficult with ugly girls on the telly who believe they are uber hot and superior. Someone needs to deal with this disaster.

Beatles Echoed Journey

2012-01-24T11:35:00.001Z

Went on a journey with mother to visit Grandad's grave. In a few days time it would be a month since he passed. Managed to keep some of his belongings. They divided the money in his wallet between the grandchildren. Got 75 for myself and thought of stapling 50 on the wall and spend the remainder - since he always gave me money to buy candies, even when I'm already 20.

With a short break resuming in session, many plans had been in mind.

Thought of staying in France with some locals for a couple of weeks, only to realised I haven't kept enough money. South Africa Project was also within contemplation but mother refused as I have never been there before for her to allow me to stay alone. They're gathering volunteers to care and teach the local children and orphans. Peru has one where you will care and clean stray animals - again permission wasn't warranted.

Generated ideas and thoughts as dreams are free but if only the currency to convert those into reality is in possession.

Since nothing is left to play, going to continue with painting and sketching, and pray so hard for someone to snatch me away from this life. Not asking much, not bothered with being wealthy, just concern in being happy and healthy. Like Grandad had always been.

On The Street

2012-01-17T10:22:00.002Z

and the breaths feel like they would all soon be gone.

Is it common to pick up the pieces of your head that had been ripped off by your own self?

After the end, the favourite Uncle would be in town. Presumably we are going to rewind the session of bird and plane talks, and they are to be taken literally. It is nice to part ways with the people you love, only later on develop the connection again. Since during the long interval will you realise the strong attachment and passion you have towards the people.

After the bad break, hoping would reconnect with life. I know ITV is not the ideal way to assemble the time, but they just feed you good stuffs. And Vernon Kay is on every now and then. It compensates the days where mother decided that Jeremy Kyle would be worth. But yeah, mental people is on that so it seems fine - especially when chavvies come in and start spitting words like 'ospickle' and make walrus like sounds.

Needing that one body that would reciprocate my words with actual reactions.

Tarot readings are still the same. Perhaps that is a clear indication that I have yet to commit to actions that would shape my life.

Circumstances keep playing tricks when it is dark to turn it all in.

Manchester City

2012-01-08T16:05:00.001Z

you have officially earn my respect now.

(http://bdwhite.tumblr.com/)

My appreciation towards City for a memorable match from both teams I couldn't really care about.

I won't change my mind on the team being a cash club, but I won't avert the very fact they have shown Manchester United and possibly every team in England that they don't back down that easily. They have leave me in complete awe and I am shaking my feet off the ground and worries go to the boys as they are facing City soon.

King Kenny needs to re-evaluate the team and ends the constant reassurance. Finishing top four is the main priority as that is the goal foreseen when the King walks back to his throne. Leave the media and FA in the bin and get the squad together - chucking Potato Man Adam in a place where no one would find him.

Pointers are from todays' match. 10 men against (again) 12 United, thick referee, unfavourable luck on their side, and two goals after down 3-0. The performance from City reminds me on the day Liverpool Football Club snatched the Champions League trophy off Ac Milan. The same drive navigating the movements.

Again, I tip my hat off to Manchester City for brilliant performance. For me, you have won the match. Congratuwelldone even though you failed to go through. May you push LFC players for a win on the next clash.

Uncanny Shots

2012-01-07T12:13:00.001Z

For a while, coincidences enter the days. It seems normal until it come running at you.

A.

Growing up as a child, constant remarks in being the real life Wednesday Addams are as usual as the smudgy clouds. Even now I am still being observed in similar style. Then couple of days back, did a short research on Addams Family, and it turns out I am a living Wednesday. Grows up braiding the hair (since it is sported every single day, some wanks decided to call me the Red Indian Girl), fascinated with the macabre (I wrote a story on Draculas and Blood Drinking Sisters in Primary, continues the legacy with Death stories in Secondary), and I happen to have one sketch on the wall - a tree with a human face. As uncanny as it appears to be, it is slightly disturbing. No one wants to be the morbid child. However dark and gloomy I may seem at times, I am a lot happier and smiley than Wednesday. Hence, I am like her brighter twin sister, who likes ice cream for breakfast and hates spider.

And someone happens to be the Lurch.

And today Google did Addams Family.

B.

Of the lethargy from studying, decision made to skip the match. Two hours later, awoken by strange air and could not resume sleeping. Watch the bloody stream and happy snaps appear after several misses.

Others follow suit, but prior to last evening conundrum.

Once bitten forever smitten.

C.

Been inflicted with rashes for one straight week now. Not much of coincidence. Thank you stress effect, dusty places, and death. I really enjoy what you did to me darlings.

Accepting match ban = Racist

2012-01-05T01:49:00.001Z

Surely that seems easy for everyone who has a trouble against Liverpool Football Club to accept.

I personally haven't read the whole report since actual exam is more important than a football club. Coming from a supporter of the club, it would be seen as a biased reaction towards the situation. However, it's not on the situation that I am expressing my concern with, it's the general public lambasting a person solely from a statement of another and poor judgement, evidently.

Stop parading these politically correct fronts. It's hypocritical of the commentors to debase Luis Suarez from an unfortunate event. Don't tell me you've never slay someone off using what would be a racist remark when say, the person cuts you off the road like a bastard and he/she happens to be of a different origin. I've heard many 'Stupid White/Chinese/Indian/Black-African ...' and other form of such statement. I don't find myself climbing up a moral high ground and concluding these people to be racist idiots.

Actions speak louder than words. If you can't grasp the idea then you shouldn't speak on behalf of people who can actually utilise their brains.

I don't think John Terry is a racist even with the direct evidence showing him murmuring such word. Unless he had refused any contact with Ferdinand then yes, he'll be a racist. But I hope he will be receiving the same or greater punishment as Suarez's because of an actual evidence in hand.

By the way dear FA, didn't Evra admitted in producing words of similar sensitivity, why isn't he being given the same treatment.

Lets just hope this mania would eat Evra and his alliance when The Racist get back on the pitch for the clash. That's the only justice I could think of. But if LFC lost, it wouldn't mean that Suarez is a racist or guilty.

I enter 2012

2012-01-03T08:24:00.001Z

without a Grandfather.

The news came while we were having breakfast. Shock as anyone could've imagined. Mother literally went mad - crying, wailing and screaming at the face of any. With the deliverance of the bad news, all plans for celebrations turned into a funeral procession.

Throughout the day I kept on reminding myself there's a slight possibility the family did a mistake and he hasn't died.

His face was all I could remember. Kissing him for one last time, and seeing the look before he would be sent away. Without any illness or health complications, he shut his eyes and opened a different chapter in our lives.

It was only after we had completed his death, stories came about. A month before the 31st December, after my brother married his wife, Grandpa went over to him, telling him with his marriage he can now die with his eyes close tight. Ten days before his leaving, he told my cousin that in 10 days time he'll be gone. None of these would've made sense to minds as he had always been the joker.

Truth is, I still hasn't come to terms to his death, as I dreamt of him coming home, telling us all it was a mistake and he was only in deep sleep. I don't know the ways to get this into my head. I failed to fulfil my intention in having him next to me in Anfield, watching the boys do us proud. I can no longer have tea with him, the last thing he promised to have with me, a month before he went away.

I didn't do the things I promised myself and him, and I am unable to perform it now. There is a part of me praying this would all be a dream.

He passed as a good man, few hours after the team we both supported take home the win.

Apart from the regret, I get to care for him when he fell ill, and see him for the last time - when we nearly missed the goodbye as I was with friends.

Grandpa, I hope we'll see each other in the next life and you will still love me as how I do now. I miss you..

You know me from no reason

2011-12-26T15:08:00.000Z

And she dances with her skin. Bearing the earth breaths. Dancing to disappear. Chase the lights away. Fall addicted to the silence. And he watches her move her soul. Gazing upon the grace under the lighted darkness. Carefully whispering the lines. 'And I feel you'. Pushing her feet to the ground. 'How can you feel when I move. When every elevation is of reasons. How can you feel when you know of no reasons'.

Mother is a dancer. Faithfully affecting her body to a story. A beautiful rhythm where people enjoy in the dark.

I rarely dance. Especially in front of people. As I have no story to tell. No rhythm to sway you close to me.

I long to move. With the air and the trees. Serenading me to peace.

Once you see me dance with my skin, then it is of my expectation, to have you see me through.

Nature Child

2011-12-25T01:55:00.003Z

"You are free spirited as you remember what it is like being a child. The problem is, you don't seem too interested in the life we are all in. Find a flower or a path, as that would guide you further."

The trouble in knowing weird people.... They shouldn't have asked me to search for a flower, since they SHOULD know I am allergic to those.

Mother should have never involved herself with clairvoyants, psychics, card readers, or whatever they wish to be called. None of them has actually produced words I want to hear. One have mentioned 'You will only be happy when you reached the later age', and another one 'You don't seem to be in sync with the world. Perhaps someone could pull you in'.

Growing up it is usual for the family, friends or strangers to perceive me as weird, eccentric, alien-like creature. Some even told me that they would not be surprised if it is exposed that I am an alien. One old man believed that I am the child of the nature. Who separate self from the build ups and the known. Again, whatever that may inspire, wouldn't attract me that much.

I love nature, animal, rocks, and I even intended to study leaves once - until I realized no one is interested in joining. As a child I had proclaimed my love for the wild nature, writing 'I love Tarzan' on the wall of my bedroom, and writing letters to my mother asking her to accept a monkey as my brother. It all seemed natural to me, even the family grow to come to such terms.

If I am left with a choice, I would have abandon this life and retreat to the wild. A nice tree house or a cosy cave to call home. Not too worried on food, since if my life is to be put to a halt, my body would be an offering to the earth, to take me back they way it has created me.

Oh and nobody would tell me to brush my hair or shave.

Dreams and wishes are free, but it would be immense if I have the currency to make it real.

And I hate hippies, because they don't save themselves for the earth - bunch of pretentious grouping who are actually quite interesting, but fail to serve the purpose.

Happy Christmas Donkeys

2011-12-24T11:40:00.002Z

Past:
- Late night poker coupled with drunken carolling
- Gathering around the lighted tree discussing WWII
- Running around a hotel with a bucket full of ice, with a nice White Elephant the next day.
- Picnic at the park, witnessing a mental man with an imaginary dog.
- Dousing in Glogg and Julmust with your voice on the line.
- Freezing party on a frozen lake in one country, and Champagne party in another, on the same year.

Current:
- Shit movies with nostalgic run down on the past.

Future:
- Tenerife, with the lads, laughs, and foodies.

Living is personal

2011-12-23T13:41:00.002Z

'Why do people seems to hold on to the decision to shit on us?"

For New Year, I will adopt a different approach to life. Instead of worrying about the non-existence duty to please others, the only thing to occupy my mind would be on myself and my mother.

I have my studies, my health, and my future to guard - in addition of the bad events that have befall on my mother. With her alarming health problem, horrible people intensely waging grudges against her, and the unfortunate financial crisis with credits to the super efficient government.

It is within thoughts that during this time, people around me would gather strength and channel it in, to hold me together when it is all falling apart. The opposite impression is the only support they decided to give. A part of me is in bliss to have distant my soul from others, having the chance to be with my mother for a whole week. No regret is spared for neglecting the pictures of laughters, as those are temporary.

The exact fact that no one can or wants to displace the unwanted news that is slowly reaching us on the 29th makes it definite.

I will be fine with the looks on me, spitting the nauseating words that do not even compute in rational minds. I will be fine with your(s) treatments that stem from imbecile minds. I will be fine with your(s) absence as you (s) serve me no purpose. I will be fine to leave you behind, just like how you left me when the struggles pull me in.

There will be no hesitation, to not see you bastard as friends.

If is it difficult to appreciate my feelings, then you should probably stop lingering, because I have keep all the fucks in my pocket and there is intention in handing them out just yet.

To the idiot hag that spread silly stories on how my mother faked her health problems to get out of work, my mother was bed-ridden for two months with me having to come from school every fucking day to care for her, and now there is a strong possibility that it will occur, again. So my wish for you that you will experience worse and suffer, because none of your children is civilised and actually care for you. Good luck going through that because a scum like you deserves nothing. And you are ugly and so are your daughters.

To the 'friends', I can only hope one day you will get your entitlement. Anyone with an audacity to say such about a person, would only belong in hell or a really bad place if you do not believe in those.

And to everyone else who has been rather impressive in writing me off, thank you for drawing me closer to my senses.

I have dispose friends before, so do not think you people are worthy for me to keep. To those who will never be close to me, pray that on the 29th, good news are for myself and mother to embrace. And God, I am inadequate to walk under these clouds.

and Hanna, thank you for stealing my idea of having that tattoo on the back of the neck. You little scoundrel.

Like Every Other Fuck You's

2011-12-19T15:39:00.001Z

It seems ridiculous how we are struggling to balance off on the sinking boat. It seems ridiculous how you don't seem to get the plea.

I know for a fact that if I had accepted the invitation and pursue the urge to spend the night away with you, we would have been in a different set of life. Regret is circling my head. Regret is injecting itself on me.

I cannot spare a moment to beg you to go away, as we have known each other for so long. Though it is a pleasant option for you leave me and never look back. We may have found something inside but it is tailored for a different occasion. I will make you leave, because that is the only way I could find peace. The memories is ours to keep, but I must refuse an extension of such collection.

If this happen to be within your normal experience, please forgive me for driving you away. The horrifying days where you call for me, and displace me. Can no longer linger around this shit,

Permanent Self

2011-12-11T16:22:00.001Z

When the rain falls
under the shining lights.
When the tree shakes
on exchanges of smiles.

When our eyes closed
and the feelings grow.
Maybe these days are
nothing but a dream.

..................................

While I was supposed to let my ears pick up the readings I get by watching the lips, the thought that perhaps these very lengthy days could very well be just a dream. Like when you sleep for a couple of hours, but you developed multiple events that would normally stretch to days. It could possibly be that we are in a very comforting position, and our minds decided to take off. Wandering around the lines, building the seconds.

And at the end of it all, the sound breaks in and we no longer exist as we were in it. I would probably be an obnoxious cow lamenting on the absence of cosmetic shit, or I am the persona I have always been dreaming of in the dream.

This could be a case of lethargy. Or my head can no longer pursue the greater thoughts. Or I am giving up, hence the idea that this life is not real and temporary. Though that line does make sense as life is temporary.

But with that, what is permanent?

Not feelings, builds, faces.

What is permanent for me to hold on to?
What is permanent for me to remind myself of?
What is permanent for me to feel safe?
What is permanent for me to exist?

Mixed Touch

2011-12-07T16:26:00.001Z

The most awesome character. He is super during both the grave and bike periods.

Why do the animals need to feel insecure over the name, because you've taken the vibe it was carrying. WWE is just fucking stupid after the secondary school year.

A wrestler, named Shelton Benjamin. It's like watching Solicitors Guide TV. And the idiotic Texan who happen to be the cool dude in his previous days.

Good times...

But to end the day with horrible replay is just sickening.

To think that after all these years, it would've change. It's expected to have this feeling when you start the day singing the one melancholic oldies song, or at least I find it to be such

Fuck this shit. I need my ten year old self back.

Seasonal Rampage

2011-12-05T13:39:00.001Z

You are just one of the many faces I had imagined
Once the smile stops the glower soon begins
As we are against what was behind us
As we are in dilemma for the memories

........................

Not only have I been made to disembark the ship to Christmas joy, I have been forced to carry the health of an unhealthy man. Only now did I realized how occupying the classes would be, since I had the urge to attend despite the condition, when normally thousands of excuses are being put together to avoid the grueling hours of chatty periods.

Here's the season to be jolly.... The irony of it all....

Be Gentle

2011-12-02T14:42:00.001Z

Finally managed to rearrange the room. Though the steps are now flourished with the books, the old shelves are now left collecting more dust. A reason to buy more books and little things. The old maid card has been in my collection for years. Wonder if kids these days know about it, or even heard of it. The terror when you have the old maid card.

I am going to search for Happy Families and the other to complete the collection. And to buy different cards from different countries, because the one I found in Thailand is interestingly valuable to circus-head as myself.

(Thank you some guy in the record store for the free CD's. Sorry I didn't email you to forward my appreciation, or look for ways for me to do such :) )

This is given as gift and as a force to remind me that one day, I will have my feet on the ground and hopefully my bum as well, on the seat not the ground. But if all else fails, bum on the ground would do.

Praying the wind would scatter some lovely air around me.

Rupert Holmes Style

2011-11-29T03:45:00.001Z

Mother has been expressing her calamity, over the absence of partner in her daughters' life.

Somehow she still fails to inhale the idea I have put forward. To live alone with a nice yard behind my house with a dog, cat, and a goat. The only thing to decorate life besides those wonderful creatures would be the nature surrounding my spirit.

I have always wish to make peace with the spirit(s). The only gateway to relinquish guilt I have gathered in the course of life would be by way of diving into the nature. Serenity blends in with the blood, calming the senses, and slowly sweep the minds off. Having a partner would only embeds even greater despair.

Who claims dying alone is a sad adventure, is a muppet. It is inevitable for all living things to die alone, unless you are exceptionally creative with deaths.

There is constant defeat to my endeavour in convincing mother that companions are nothing more than life ornaments. Akin to those hanging on the Christmas tree, occasionally settled and soon to be dispose of. To compete with brighter and more attractive kinds. Even if it lasts, it means as little as the thought of celebration.

Since she is convinced that there is no effort channeled, I will seek the other Rupert Holmes style. Though the responses would not entertain me much,since most would come from psychopaths, odd humans, or mental fucks.

From Joey Bartons' twittering, I would like a copy of it without a history behind bars as the mother would be worried of such. Also minus the twitter affliation because birds are the species I despise. Great lad he is, from the birdie viewing point. He should have make sense of Desperate Scousewives from the title itself. A group who engage in any activity with a branding of 'Desperate' speak a volume on the content, or lack of content.

Cheers to declination of humanity.

The Awkward Moment

2011-11-28T12:46:00.001Z

When you are enduring the pain of watching chubby kids do boxing.

I have nothing against the more developed children, but when you start giving me the 'I know I am better than you' face, then bless the cakes as I have acquired all the rights to entertain myself by producing honest chuckles on your performance. But really, not only they are both shit at it, all the juggling is a bit distracting.

To stand by Jimmy Carr's statement to a chubby girl when she, in rage, informs him that he should not have use the advantage of the fat jokes as it is insensitive to commit to such act. He bloody brilliantly respond to her that it is she that should not have the cake for breakfast, since her reaction on his jokes would be otherwise had she refused the temptation.

A fatist is I am not. If I happen to have been living as such, I would not have this ability to embrace them chubbs.

Not of my concern on how you live your life, but please stop throwing me reasons to snipe you with remarks.

So a fact for you Chubbstard (Chubby Bastard) 8 out of 10 Annoying Chubbies showcase their talent on Jeremy Kyle Show.

Perhaps one day you will be superficially superior than I am, but you will still be the annoying Chubbs, like Kelly Osbourne.

And Fate Triumphs

2011-11-27T15:53:00.001Z

over any precise documentation of facts that would describe otherwise.

I am under a very strong belief that life is a path for fate to work its magic, or a horrifying spell that is not supposed to be cast on living things.

There is not much out in the cold, for me to hold on to. Other than my inclination towards the existence of God. Hence, the justification on the level of dependence upon fate.

If it is not of fate, none of these would have come out. If it is not fate, I would have become something even more stupid.

Fate places hindrances, though it redeem its' credibility by propelling to a greater ground.

I may have miss out on familial activities or experiences, to give up a place in the University of my choice, to let go of the fields I have long to breathe in, to have bad luck develops a strange affinity with me, to have lost and been lost, and to have the clouds taking me in.

There are numerous disappointments and melancholic events in my days because of fate, but it must not be neglected that those have been indemnified with heaps of memories, the good ones.

The friends, the lands I have step on, the encounters, and more of that my ungrateful self could remember.

The fact is, no matter how awful life is at this very moment, I know fate is a great mechanism for the one I believe in, to put it all together - slowly.

I am writing all of these words as there is (are) people out there who sees beyond the letters. I am dreaming of the goods and bads because there is a need to remind myself. I am careful in my actions for thoughts to be constantly generated, since that is the only fuel for me. I am living as this awkward-unlucky-undermined-perceived as odd-deep lost in imaginations-smiling-happy to be content twenty year old girl - with those unexpected floating in the air.

and today, fate makes me colours my nails with the colour of my team and the team we are going against - without any thoughts spared on the act. The same as last fixture, where I had unconsciously grab the team short to have it on, prior to the team kicking the ball. (Not to be a direction in common days)

At times I experience things that would be remarkable as it is based purely on coincidence. Though as it occurs, the only coincidence is the fact that it keeps on playing.

Fate would bring me to a light. Not the one in Ghost Whisperer, but the one that grabs you in the lighting section in IKEA.

If you believe in something intangible, a tangible outcome would present itself. So the creepy old people tells me.

Walking In

2011-11-25T20:09:00.001Z

Sleepless nights in the city bring nothing more than an occasional card playing out in the cold. Where the air mostly works to your disadvantage.

This whole week has not been particularly fantastic for me.

Car trouble-laptop trouble-allergic reaction effected the eye-minor food poisoning-allergic reaction effected the body-horrible people destroying the house who happens to have some sort of relation with my family

The two hours of having weird China man staring at me would have made the list, but as weird people are in abundance, it is rather wimpy to include it.

Being in the city makes it even more difficult. Since you know you could have made the days better, instead, you just let it sleep around your head.

Clubbing is a pointless activity, having drinks outside is a waste of money, and I am too lazy to contact the mates for games (and the bill is yet to be paid).

This is the time where I wish a miraculous energy transports me to the pier with the bunch eating chippy, or the two days beautifully spent in Death Valley, however ironic that seems when placed together.

Though the one high up do have a slight sympathy on me, as He show me stars glimmering in the sky, when it is impossible to witness such in a polluted city.

Somehow I find the night to tame my disappointment(s).

Heart Under Attack

2011-11-23T12:13:00.001Z

and another life been taken away. Though technically he passed for the condition of heart disease, it was his heart under attack that took him away.

He and the missus have been at a stage where no sight of one another would be bearable, for many years. To survive they live on their own, without any document to certain their separation. An unfortunate event began a couple months back, where the lady packed her life, with the kids, and left him on his own. To fend for his heart, both for the disease and the hole gaping inside. I'm not sure what had transpired him to give up on life, as he distant himself from the meds his body desperately needs to push for another day.

With an absence of love, family, and the pills that pump, the soul left his body. Leaving the remnants, so familiar to the ones who had known him.

If he had died from the disease, without any of the events in place, I know we all would feel better. It's almost as if he had taken his own life, and I can't bare the memory of such after my own aunt took hers a day before I turned 15.

I could only hope that the Higher above looked after him, the way he did with us.

May you rest in peace and find a place where you could mend your heart.

With this, it's almost impossible for Christmas to be looked forward to, or event celebrated.

Fuck You

2011-11-20T14:21:00.001Z

I am drawn by your absence
to have the winds beating me down
But with all the travelling words
and long elegance smiles
drifting away

As I am drawn closer to you
from your absence

If you could see all the fucks I could have given, you'd probably realized the monster people were telling, is you. But yeah, fuck you, you undignified bastard who happens to paint very well. Fuck. You. And no one likes the silly rap shit/gesture, bastard.

I know for all the cusses I have uttered throughout my life, this wouldn't be taken seriously. So fuck you from the bottom of my heart, bastard.

2011-11-18T10:17:00.001Z

Smoke this glass and let the shiver takes you apart
Ripping the skin along our shoulders

I'd call on the ghosts to retain my sanity. As they're the only avenue. For me to reach into the deep.

My head is calling on all things. My head would be on its' feet. My head is doing me in.

and the tarot reading didn't say anything about a person cutting smile on his/her face upon reading the (Google told me, no lies). I wish I would believe I could have those as the ultimate Christmas present. Though my senses know better, sweet things don't land on hands like flies poop. They hover around you and let you rot along with horrible face. I hope the person who wins it dreams of me, so that the person would know what it would mean for me, to have it for this Christmas - as there is nothing left here for me on Christmas.

2011-11-16T17:13:00.001Z

I will keep you in sane to have you reminded of this loose tongue
Let the feelings run wild as I have kept them sealed

Dear boy, no man should retain the right to proclaim his love for Beyonce, as an artist and on her performance. If ever the luck finally chooses to be shimmering around me.....

A Round of Laughter

2011-11-13T15:02:00.001Z

Biggest Irony

The funny bits lie in the comment section, with a heap of United fans trying to comfort the man by spouting shits. Or it could be the man itself.

"I can't stand Liverpool, I can't stand the people, I can't stand anything to do with them."

My advice mate, shoot yerself in the head because I can't stand you having anything to do with football, not because of the United connection, it's just because you are terrible playing it and talking about it.

His reaction says a lot about him, being a prick and un-sporting lad. Once a Manc always a twat. Just look at the Scouser rolling around in United.

Like a wise Irish man once told me 'ABU - anything but United'. And that comes from a man who's not a football fan.

I am LFC through and through, but that doesn't permit me to hate on Manchester and its' people. My good friend and family friends are from Manchester, and they're lovely.

To You

2011-11-12T15:03:00.001Z

There is no claim of having best friends. There is even no such belief.

At times I could feel the whispers, urgently pushing me to remind myself of a friend. I will never call you or anyone for that matter the best friend, since I hold no interest in running that business. Though, you are one of the friends that even if we no longer align ourselves with the point, it will still be within my memory. Constantly playing by itself.

It is quite odd how we come about as friends. The wrath of our parents joining from the holiday trip with the school - the one we did (can) not involved ourselves with. I did not remember if we were in relation, other than classmate, before such event. As I was the one with the obligation to not go against the current.

With our own holiday trips - the awful shore excursion where you were left with my burned skin, the encounter(s) with the terrible person that I am (taking the phone to answer when it is the alarm ringing loud), and other stupidities we shared.

We have become more than companions, we are more likely to be family. It is my greatest regret, however, for my absence beside you when your father left us. The day haunts me until today, breaking the shield I have always keep in front of me. I could never bring forgiveness upon myself, for the failure to not see him for the last time. I do not wish to talk about this with you and I hope it will remain to be that way. Unless you are ready to hand me an awesome pet owl or liger, since I am already getting a pet goat.

You are probably one of the rare, that continues to tell me that one day I will become the person I wanted to be, that my works have always been well, and I could attain those things I have long for. No one really believes in me like you do, besides the mother and the boy who is lost. No one really clings on my thoughts and random associations with things. I could get you a cake for this, but I am still in debt with ze mother.

I would never call you my best, but you are one of the monkeys I have had the pleasure of being with. The small girl who understands the spicy food gesture, the hatred for all things, and the infatuations I have developed over the years. I would probably have to murder you if we ever go on as enemies.

So there for you my innocent mate, may you end up marrying Drogba, just so I could see how you would look like next to an extremely tall lad.

To think of it, we have been in the same place as England's youngsters before, wonder if we had seen one the boys.

And if you ever leave me sappy shitty messages again, I will hate you, forever. Sappy messages are for pansies, and we are are not a part of that community. And if you ever talk to me about this written words, I will hate you, forever, too. People do not talk about nice things the other said or wrote of the other, people talk about animals and the beautiful entities surrounding life. Like the one with number on my birth date, and his other number has one of the number in my birth date as well. :) If you have no idea who he is, I will hate you, forever, like how I would hate you if you do any of those things.

Liking this threatening relationship we have got going on here.

Bad Beer

2011-11-11T11:04:00.001Z

Why aren't you coming home when it's sunny outside....

Most would succumb to beer or any alcohol upon the meeting of a bad day, but when you don't wish to associate your body with a high level of alcohol, you're left with a bad beer, the one that won't kill your organs vapidly. The one that contains 0.000001 per cent of alcohol. The one that makes you look like a sad git in a pub. Cheers to healthy body.

A hotel incurs a minor injury on the part of me that would certain my gender, a shitty public toilet shooting water at me due to terrible maintenance of the pipes - leaving me soaking wet and shivering from the cold air, in public, and a shoe store acknowledging my quite large feet - disappointment surrounds as I left without the sweet shoe been eyeing for.

To rub salt to the wound, the relative's wedding I couldn't give a shit of, is on the verge of cancellation.

Thought after a bad day, someone would tell me I have won a huge prize money, or a zoo or an animal is being named after myself.

For the first time in my life, the rain fails to bring joy.

Modern Warfare 3

2011-11-09T14:18:00.002Z

Since I won't be having a proper Christmas this year, could someone please get this for me now.

and a new sweet bass guitar.

2011-11-08T05:00:00.001Z

I should really be studying, not playing with Sharpies.

and the Liver Bird is not really meant for environmental purposes, I just don't have a red Sharpie, and tying it with nature seems like a viable excuse.

I believe I was a 6 years old kid in the former life. It was probably a he because I spent most of my time laughing at things and video games, and ice cream for breakfast. It is suspected that he died of maximum enjoyment, presumably of sugar high. The content got to his brain and exploded, leaving the remnants of joy and hyper ism to be carried on by his successor, and that would be me.

and some footballers' last name is Cattermole, doesn't help me much since I haven't covered that damn subject.

2011-11-07T11:41:00.001Z

The sight of light
triples the breaths
catching on the indefinite

I could gaze into the stream
and swim with the lost
as where we could reach
is steadily awaiting

and I linger for more
following the birth of the sun
to get past the superiors
to grasp hold of the healers

for we should have foresee
the depth of the picture

....................................................

If you happen to release you ability to find me, listen carefully.

Don't Follow No Crowds

2011-11-06T15:24:00.001Z

The jacket is mint.

I'd probably say something like that if I am some sort of weird hip-hop lingual child. But in all honesty, the jacket is a nice jacket.

Don't know much about hip-hop except that I hate most of it. A boy who was probably trying to woo me with his 'achievement' - in beating Lady Sovereign in an unknown battle. Hence making him superior than the person who no one really gives a fuck about. Or the bastard who chew on his lips with 'yew no maaaan' shit. Those are the only first hand experiences I have with hip-hop flares.

Guess I am not meant for such world, and because of that I can't live under the pretense as that would make me a chav, bling bling!

My faith in humanity continues to descend.

Shankly's Regret

2011-11-06T03:02:00.002Z

“If you can’t support us when we lose or draw, don’t support us when we win.” -Bill Shankly

What does it mean when a person who assumes the title of a professional footballer with a minimum of 10 thousand quid per week in his exploding account, can't fucking play football. What does it mean when the whole entity of professional footballers appear to be the same.

Soon I would realize what a terrible mistake to have participated in the cultural phenomena of football. They are certainly no better than those thick-headed CEOs or bankers who cannot seem to do things rights, with all the cashing in on them.

Until then,

If Shankly would still be alive, he would be devastated to have procure such statement prematurely. The least footballers give a shit about is when an aficionado of anything but football takes over the world and demolishes every aspect that would entail footballing character, which consequently resulting the players to be working in Tesco. Anything other than that, I doubt they give even a slight consideration.

Next time if LFC wins, I should not really give a shit because essentially that is what they are supposed to do. I do not cheer when a bin man carefully and successfully collected the rubbish so why different treatment for a group who cannot even do it right.

Contemplation is within reach but until then, LFC apparently still cling by my heart and passion.

Wasted my time being angry and in despair when I could have covered the whole chapter for the tests ahead. Would even the worst player in LFC be grieving if I do my tests horribly, since I have invested my time and feelings and ego watching them being utter tools, and a small amount of money but still money. If you are the worst player in LFC and happens to read shits by shitters, then you are invited to propose a reply.

Liverpool Simpsons/Simpsons Liverpool

2011-11-05T08:30:00.000Z

Wonder how a Manchester United fan who happens to enjoy The Simpsons feels upon the discovery of this gold.

It's quite frustrating that I'm with a disability to identify them all. Guess am all fair in life. Can't even recognize the people I see everyday so why should footballers get a complete different treatment.

I'm praying hard to God that SAF is the biggest The Simpsons fan. That'll teach him for being hypocritical and just plain awful to anything outside Old Trafford.

Something completely out of the context, can't believe Amy Childs just a year older than I am. She could pass as my demented aunt at any given time. Can't believe I spent half of an hour watching TOWIE. Can't believe there's such this as Vajazzle. Can't believe I once wanted a nice cottage in Essex. Can't believe shits haven't stop rolling around us.

Obsession in Unknown Spirit

2011-10-31T17:33:00.002Z

Halloween is a great festival where kids will soon be introduced to the world of dentistry. So that is how I remembered Halloween as a child.

Embodying a spirit that is beyond the nature of your own, whether it be a representation of bad creation of heroic character or an infamous entity that should have never retain the place in our minds.

Never been a part of that culture, as I am a firm believer in treats, not the trick of putting on costumes. The best I had been is a cigarette smoking blonde, the thing I am not in reality. Hence, the celebrated custom adopted by people over the years on 31st October.

Perhaps next year I could host a ritual of food and drinks. With the sound of Misfits airing out of the tiny holes on the speakers.

Perhaps I have been looking at fun from a different angle than others.

2011-10-30T14:42:00.000Z

What it means to be remembered by memories.

Blood Lies

2011-10-27T10:24:00.001+01:00

The kind that bring about detrimental effect.

It is generally accepted that lying is for the purpose of deceiving others. Sweeping some matters under the cover to avoid conviction.

Popular defense would be that lying would protect self and also others, in some form of disguise - as some matters should not be disclosed of, to preserve the belief of oneself. A mother lies to her child on the revolving situation, to protect the internal spirit. Ballerina lies on the pains suffered, as an avoidance from company exclusion. A person lies to own self, for hindrance on difficulties to be adhered.

Would we be under any authority to submit these people to some standard.

If I lie to you about my existence, would it ravage your purpose of living.

To reproach on this manner would only be imminent upon using lies to the disadvantage of others, or for the own promotion of the goods in life. Or anything that would provoke your soul.

The only way honesty could come in is when we stop accentuating our own faulty mechanisms.

Under Self Arrest

2011-10-25T17:30:00.000+01:00

You don't need to bother
Once I wish to be lost

For few weeks, I have been seeding negative ideas on myself. Constantly acknowledging the fact that this wouldn't go on further. Perhaps it's the rambling child inside of me. Protesting every bit to attain the last pleasure. Perhaps it's just me, finally giving up on my own being - the ironic aftermath of the view I have on everything else.

With years finally catching up on my state, the uncertainty of things begin to proceed to the final reveal.

It's not a matter of being discontented.

I understand the need to recoil. The compulsion to regain memories of yourself. It is in consideration for the construction. Though fumbling skies might be the only obstacle.

I have been planning for Texas or India, as diverse as they seem to be from each other. Good food and companion. I want to know how it feels to be in touch with unfamiliarity again. I want to be somewhere, with no one I can disassociate myself with. I want to sleep where no one could see me reeling through the night. I want to be touched by the air - to slowly tremble from the gesture.

Suarez-Evra Debate

2011-10-23T10:02:00.001+01:00

Racism is indeed a horrendous recourse for rage - even if it is within the nature of human being to preclude any ill-meaning or derogatory remarks upon the coming of unwanted situation.

I am not in the position of commenting the situation in hand. Supporting racist or any idiot is not part of my interest. However, in light of such outrageous event, I just like to point out how ridiculous the Manchester United fans are, considering their players are not the most innocent beings.

They are calling Suarez a racist, without putting any effort in considering the claim, simply for him diving around like a twat, biting a player, and the handball incident. Basically they are adamant Suarez is a racist for him having dived, bitten and used his hand on the pitch. If such hypothesis is to be concluded in that manner, we would be disappointed to see a massive crowd of racist footballer.

I am not setting aside the chances of him making such terrible and unforgivable mistake, but to jump into conclusion that he DID such is a worse offence.

By adopting Manchester United fans approach, I would like to say they are the worst kind of supporters, alongside with the club, players and manager, due to the constant twattance and annoyance brought to the table.

Evra IS a tool with conducts not even close to the standard of professional, proven by the amount of statements made discrediting fellow footballers and clubs. One would be by calling Arsenal a 'training club' and others from his idiotic rants.

Suarez is a diver and carries a poor selection of actions on pitch, proven by replays.

Other divers include the whole collection of footballers' names and most idiots call Old Trafford home.

56

2011-10-20T11:31:00.002+01:00

Don't leave your back up against the water as the winds are catching up to you. With your lips moving indifferently. Abruptly touching the tip of my tongue. And when I am done chasing the sun. Is it part of your plan to sever my feet. To complete the look you have been wanting away from me. It is playing. Sealing my skin in you. Reeling on the feeling of you itching it away. Trapping the voice telling you. Don't leave you back up against the water.

10 years forward, I will forget every faces that have looked at me. The eyes searching for the affinity. All aligned far away from me. I won't regret erasing the very memories you had forced in me. Embedding calamity. It is within reach to grasp the fact that I will be gone. So don't speak the words. Because I will forget to remember. The pieces that work for you.

I'm not yearning for collected similarities. Because they look at you the way fools do.

Dear God of Football

2011-10-15T10:54:00.001+01:00

It is inherent, to be burdened by anxiety.

The only thing I could do is be the 12th man, as progressively asked by the King and the boys.

Good luck to both teams, and may the God of Football (or God) spares me the mental cry.

Prolong Infatuation

2011-10-14T10:43:00.002+01:00

Love does not exist. It is merely a prolong infatuation. A borderline limerence, without the need for reciprocity.

The indulgence of infatuation. A potential cure for depression. Though one must confine the boundary. To ensure a manic obsession would not be within contemplation.

I like some people but mostly believe people, in general, are bastards. Such happen to be proven over the course of my lifetime. So if genie would asks me on who would I want to be with, I would gladly provide no name. As we usually develop a new set of feeling, once the joyous days been carried away.

Instead of wasting my time building an emotional standard to experience love, a preference in keeping a mental portrait of several beings to drown myself in emits a better outcome.

So mother, don't fret when I fail to introduce you to a creature collecting my affections. Friends, don't let your annoyance beat the crap out of the beauty of my object. And internal structure of human, don't allow myself to be a blushing idiot when a name of the object is pronounced in public, as it is nothing more than an intricate infatuation that would probably lasts for a couple more weeks.

Maybe I should be an animal. A cat or a goat. Goat seems like a wiser option, as they do smile all the time.

Distorted Reflection

2011-10-05T10:00:00.000+01:00

Most would rather ponder upon the encounter of an exact replica, physically.

I have always pursue an exact level of vitriol when it comes to the name given to me. Believers accept the idea that names build characters - that it inspires action and outlook on matters. As pleasant as it comes to offer, imminently one must divulge the need for refusal.

For the past 20 years of living, my name on another being has yet to bring pleasure. I don't enjoy the act of those existing under the same name as I am. With this it is impossible for names to have any direct involvement with the shaping of a persons' mind and characters.

However, I am enthralled by the discovery of a very fascinating Martin Kelly. Not the one chasing a ball around the field with a ridiculous price tag and salary on his back, but the one who actually make sense of things that grow around his population of interest. A read up on the thoughts colouring his blog would, apart from my own testament, assist in the triumph of my conclusion - names do not entail any consequential effect on the being itself. It is only a tool of better communication, bringing about a warmer interaction.

A change of name is within contemplation anyway. Will not necessarily be a whole new fixture of alphabets, more likely be an improvement of the current positioning. Though I like the name that I have been called of since birth.

Why must man be terribly fickle and default in possessing a content soul.

I do have to point out that the person controlling (pretending) the tech Martin Kelly happens to truly appreciate my comments, which is remarkable considering none of the humans I know of embrace my ideas, or thoughts, or questions. So really, if you happen to read this, we should come into contact. I bet you enjoy guns, sports, eerie events/history, and everything else in between as much as I do. Perhaps you carry the name I have on my birth certificate. Perhaps the believers are right after all.

Three Sticks of Mentos

2011-09-29T11:51:00.000+01:00

are bought in my dream last night. Now what does that tell you dear Mr. Freud.

With a certain football player seeking aid from me, to guide him through the streets, in order to obtain a top up.

Clearly my thoughts revolve over nonsense. As wiser men would dream on far better catch. Like riding a horse over the calamity of the sea. Reckon that would mean something for Freud.

No one wants their dreams to come true, no matter how marvelous the stories are. Especially when idiot ghosts keep on terrorizing your time of sleep.

2011-09-25T14:33:00.000+01:00

Hate the beach but love sands. Hate the heat but love the water. Love the sight but can't stand others' enjoyment of it.

Seeding money so I can go to Texas, and watch idiots trying to tame angry animals. And eat good food with good company.

If there's any Texan out there, willing to give me a place to crash, hit me up because seeding money isn't as easy as we all wish.

Bleeding Red?

2011-09-16T03:38:00.001+01:00

I was asked by an odd man on the reason for the passion I have for Liverpool Football Club. Such was prompted immediately when he saw me rolling my eyes to United fans boasting shits.

and so it goes something like this.

This year marked the 10 year anniversary of me being on the ship of relation with LFC. It started rather apparent.

Growing up with boys, football had always been a part of me. However, it was more of our action and secretion of smelly water, rather than the rage and passion of indulging in others' actions. The first game I had watched was a Leeds United match. It failed to enthralled me, as I was only the spectator to a good match. I believe after a while LFC came about. Cannot vividly remember the very moment of captivity, though I can put a finger on the feeling I had upon watching the boys played. It was rather sensational, akin to the feeling of riding a pig (meaning it was mental). For a girl who grew up in Man United/Leeds United culture, one would wildly rejects the possibility of the child to developed a mind and heart for Liverpool. And so she did.

What I can very well say about LFC is that, unlike other teams/clubs I have known, it exhumed a different kind of reactions. It is very difficult to express the feeling - it almost seemed like it exists in a different form. Beyond comprehension. LFC had gone through the tunnel to triumphs, Hillsborough tragedy, the age of disappointment, and the turmoil within the club itself.

I was not the one who chose Liverpool Football Club, but in a twisted event, it chose me. I would have been another twat supporting Manchester United if LFC had not shed a light on me. I myself had no direct remembrance or collection of the process in seeding my being to LFC. A mind-boggling nonetheless, but people always say, never disrupt the natural occurrences, as it might fucked up your life real bad. Hence, I cannot really put words on how and why I became a kopite, but I can honestly admit that being a small, tiny, non-influential part of it has made me the person I am today. Lessons learned from the waves that were ridden, not only by the great eleven, but also by the souls that stood behind the men.

They preached that the red men will never walk alone. Behind the shadow that diluted the belief, there is something that hold us together, ensuring that we will never walk alone. Perhaps not in a physical form, but always in the form that cannot be conceived or felt or yearn upon. As I have portrayed a manic appearance due to the lack of sense I have put on these words, it is conclusive on the basis that it is fairly impossible to share the infusion you have admitted. It is conclusive that whatever it is that is going on with LFC, it always cling by the heart that will always bleed red.

No Oakley

2011-09-15T13:33:00.000+01:00

Picked up a proper rifle with live ammo for the first time. All 10 shots on target, contributed to a sweet 82%. It's enough to make me happy, since it's my very first taste. 22. long rifle isn't as hard in handling as other rifles, in my opinion. Hence, my skill wasn't really the contributive factor to the result. Mother was well proud, and so was the men in the range. Goes to show how well I am as a boy, if I ever were a boy.

Ain't no Annie Oakley, but was better than the idiots who were screaming each time the shots were fired.

If I get good result for the next exams, I can trail along with the men on a hunting gateway.

Little Chump

2011-09-14T09:26:00.002+01:00

Little chump got mad when left for a week. Little chump wouldn't be even more mad when left behind for another week. Little chump would be terribly mad when I have to go back to Uni and only sees little chump on fridays and weekends.

So sorry my little chump.

As it goes

2011-09-08T16:21:00.001+01:00

Apparently I have Vertigo.

Never pay any attention to it, since U2 practically torture the name.

Oh No Ono

2011-09-06T16:02:00.002+01:00

Listen to your breathing, Listen to your child breathing, Listen to your friend breathing, Keep listening

Yoko Ono

I am pretty sure a psychopath would say such thing. Or a demented person collecting a mental tape on others' breathing.

Not sure about Yo(cuc)ko(o) but it's not an interest of mine to listen to a person breathing. In fact, it's rather annoying/tad a bit scary. Yeah women, I have nothing better to do than listening to myself breathing, or anyone else's for that matter. Surely she'd say that such memories are pertinent, when handling the loss of the person who you have listen to him/her breathing.

I miss a friend, and the thing that keeps me alive is the sound of him breathing. His breathing calms me at times where I would long for him to be near me. The playing of mental audio of him breathing allows me to rejoice the moments we had.

Unless myself, a child I haven't have, or a friend is battling with a breathing disorder that requires constant inspection to avoid fatal occurrence, then I'd be glad to lend my ear. Otherwise, I'm not a psychopath you mental head, or a doctor.

On a serious note, this women has been suffering from neglect. Given the constant twattering on whisper or tell a non-living/intangible object something, as the object will take it to the other objects or the end of the world. Obvious clue there eh. She leaves quite a number of them, lack of passion, lack of love, lack of everything.

for more, feed your mind with her nonsense Hiyar

2011-09-04T12:54:00.000+01:00

"...they couldn't tell me who Pearl Jam was, not a single one of them..."

and they keep on upsetting and disappointing me. Really, how can you not know who Pearl Jam is. How can you not know.

We have players as gold as 30 plus, how is it possible to not even heard of Pearl Jam. They'd probably have shits like, I don't know, shits on their music player.

This calls for my mission to possibly lurk inside their lives and turn their heads around. Feed them with proper music and not current top 40.

You dear Sirs have officially acquire the distressing look from me. How could you be so square, or chavvy, or that daft to listen to top 40 without accepting any proper music. Pfft

88

2011-09-01T17:15:00.003+01:00

If once I could be seen in colours you'd like. And to exist in eternal memory. Walk on the endless path. Tremble to the never ending noise. If I could be seen in form you'd like. We'll be ghosts. Lost inside the faded memory. Lingering on the path we'll never find. Shivering on the careful silence. If I could be seen. By the eyes outside.

....................................

The beauty of internet. When you don't look hard enough, you'll look like an idiot. Even an internet palm reading services/wacky mind reading people could figure me out instantly.

So if you look hard enough, you can find anything you're looking for. Even the structure of my being. Quit hacking me accounts or pretending to do such because I lie when filling out the information columns. Unless you'd find my skype account, or you're that good, or you've been spending too much time on the net, or you're just mental.

Why bother looking for me. I am actually a 54 year old bearded man living in a cave with a fantastic internet connections, and I absolutely hate everyone. As Roy puts it, People...what a bunch of bastards. And you, bastard, there's a way to get to someone, called email.

Don't look for me. Unless you own LFC and everything else.

Youuuuul Neeeeeeveeeeer

2011-08-27T20:18:00.004+01:00

Waaaaaalllllk.......Ahhhhhlooooooneeeee

It's quite obvious the amount of time some people have in their hands, especially when they're no longer tied upon the pillar of slavery.

After a month of excruciating pain of working, could now get back in the mood for Football.

The squad appears to be in a solid form, and the only thing I could do, is to hope that the look would translates on the pitch.

The boys have each scored their first. A massive Congratuwelldone! More to come perhaps. However, all good news must be accompanied by a bad one, Kelly could probably extend his injury days, and that's shit.

Nonetheless, they promised that I'll never walk alone, and after 10 years of supporting LFC, hopefully, this season would bring me a partner to walk together. Through the path directing to Anfield.

I quite enjoy this form of lame statement to be produced occasionally.

and dear God of Football, let the Gunners triumph in tomorrows' clash, as we could no longer tolerate brattiness and arrogance airing from those United bastards. May you bless us all.

Fall

2011-08-23T14:44:00.002+01:00

The wounding sorrow
gleefully wrapping life in
Dispersing bile
on the reminiscence

Pass the warm fumes

Kiss the cold air

Hide the hands
that collect the memories
Close the eyes
that witness the bearing

...............................

G: Have you ever experience a moment when your heart just stops.
M: Cardiac arrest? No.
G: No silly! Like when you see someone you like, or the person you're really in love with.
M: That would be an alarming moment.... maybe you should see a doctor about that. Really, your heart stops and it doesn't worry you. How did he do that anyway? Making your heart stops when you see him? Is he a wizard, or he's just that ridiculously ugly, your heart just fails....

She probably despise me at the moment. Given the amount of terrible remarks I keep on throwing at her.

How could a heart stops beating when feeling comes in anyway?

Perhaps the only reason I am asking such question is due to my incapability to apprehend the concept of being in love, as everyone puts it. It is basically when a person turns the infatuation developed over another to an overt reality.

The suspension of life, for love is as dubious as it seems.

Love is when you:

Find someone you like, exchange batches of traits and interests, feeling a little more that you would normally feel for any other human beings, turn into someone a tad different than of what is modeled, embark on journeys, possibly pursue the evolution of the relationship, and die. Or you just realize what a bunch of tosh the person is and circles around the cycle again - with someone else that you believe to be of whatever it is.

Sounds a bit tiring is it not.

I am a horrible person, often found to be rude, deep in my own imagination, perusing
matters completely irrelevent to the progression of life (as people believe), unable to retain focus or control, selective in listening/hearing, enjoy manic subjects, hold on to the idea of life as an avenue to troll around while loving it, a bit blokish, can be aggresive at time, hate going out, and if I go on even further, I might just start thinking of myself as a corrupted monster. So how can there be a person to be able to take this.

Maybe I am just higlighting the terrible components, to avoid this subject altogether.

Maybe I just want to enjoy having the power to infatuate over any beings without the
trouble.

Regardless.

Is there a proper or scientific explanation on how a heart could stop when in circumstancial dilemma or event. Clogged vein? Anything? Because if I ever start to experience it, I could seek help/intervention without wasting time.

I would really like to know that.

But the truth is, it hurts to arrive home from work, at midnight, with the glimmering moon inciting awful feelings about life, to only finds a cat waiting for you to come home, a text from a network provider saying stupid things, and a bed offering comfort and warmth. Because I would be much happier if a dog together with the cat are waiting for me to be back, with Jaffa Cakes and orange juice by the side of the bed, and a text from a friend telling me there is a wicked show on the telly. That is a life.

A Jolly Season

2011-08-23T04:47:00.002+01:00

When an admin of a footballers' page updates shit like 'New picture...Show me some love', it is within a normal expectation for this kind of response to be given away. What baffles me is that it's approved for such comment to appear. A point for me?

Some says it's Martin Kelly himself updating, showing the side of him we don't wish to see. Nevertheless, the update, on the same boat as Maldinis' is deleted. Though I'm not assuming responsibility for this one as the poster below me takes one step further, and use the word 'Fuck'. We all know such crass language is not to be tolerated by them footballers. Pfft.

So far Me: 1+1, Footballers' Page: 0.

While we're at it.

Tired of United Fans being dickheads. So do I.

But what is there for us dispute. They're the champion. They're terribly good in everything in life. From shagging old lady(ies), being demanded for occasional drug test and missed it, being incredibly dumb, cheating on wives, constant appearances for public pub brawls, drunken antics, unprofessional behaviour on and off pitch, slagging off people for being more mature than they are, slagging of other teams for the other teams having more balls and brains than they are, chavy attitude, and football.

What do Liverpool have to offer? Good football and Stevie G public pub brawl.

I'm left unimpressed by my team.

We don't encourage our players enough, in supporting and chanting for our fellow running-chasing mates like Owen from United does for their beloved teammate.

He learns a lot of the good values since settling on the bench. Why can't WE thrive for such admirable gestures.

The only thing we have is Ste (don't watch it, just google-d it) screaming 'Go away! It's mah ball' during match.

Why can't we be great.

And it keeps on coming

2011-08-22T06:01:00.002+01:00

"Even if all fat people are the way they are due to their bad choices, even if every single fat person is unhealthy, that does not justify sub-standard treatment. How can the health of strangers possibly inspire such vitriol? If you remain convinced that
others’ bodies are your business and people must justify their existence to you, perhaps you should consider the possibility that you are an arsehole."

She deserves a massive collection of laughter for what she shit about.

We don't care about fatties, but they are pushing it when they come on our telly and moan.

The "Why did I become like this?, How did I get this fat? I can't live like this.
This is not who I am." and it goes on, and on, and on.

So Ms. Frances Lockie, you wonder why we are in disgust over fatties. It's because fatties ruin our television experience by asking mind-boggling questions, while hoping we would show some sympathy, or empathy from fellow fatties.

You become fat, as the callous woman puts it (fat is not a fucking term to describe a person you idiot) because you eat like a cow after a year of hunger strike. So don't go around asking me why it happens, ask the one holding the shit.

Their fattiness is none of our business, but they make it into a business.

The same goes with models who look like they're about to jump into the soils. We bitch about it because they go on every possible media outlets and place together their bones, to make people believe that's the only way you can be look upon as beautiful, interesting, with the chance of banging those we could only long for. We bitch about it because they are implying the idea that looking like a dead person is a marvelous choice.

So, with all fat people being the way they are due to their bad choices, with every single fat person being unhealthy, that does justify sub-standard treatment as it goes by their constant efforts in moaning in front of our faces. The health of strangers inspire such vitriol due to the nature of fatties blaming everyone and everything else for their bad choices while taking their filth to tellies and make money for it. We are not convinced that others’ bodies are our business and people must justify their existence, but perhaps Ms. Lockie you should consider the possibility that you are an idiot because nobody gives a fuck about fatties before they pretend to have been treated as worthless fucks by the general public.

Oh, must point this out, this nutter writes for Cosmopolitan. Way to go, you hypocritical cow.

Hot Jumping Beans

2011-08-20T19:23:00.002+01:00

After long hours of work, this REALLY made me happy, and food, and the fact that they make the fatty looks and sounds like an idiot/pig.

Me want some hot jumping beans with loads of ketchup.

Fucking hell, and people I know refuse to laugh as loud as they can.

You, dear sir, is a winner. And I applaud your effort in being super fine.

Epic

2011-08-17T15:02:00.004+01:00

Cannot understand how no one else sees this. Maldini is great, but whoever posted this should know that he/she is making no sense at all.

Great they're having a wonderful holiday. What. Me? Manager? To who? Is this a fucking joke?.

It's sad to see the amount of 'Yes', 'What do I do?', and other oblivious comments.

Rest in peace my dear logic.

Ape vs Swat

2011-08-14T15:58:00.002+01:00

Reckon that should be the sequel to Rise of the super long title for a film.

I find it incredibly idiotic with a touch of classic comedy, where you'd laugh mostly because it is stupid. Though my friend finds it to be a good film. I can't contest as I find everything to be shit.

It would've been better if they get actual raging monkeys, I mean apes to be in the film. The ape in hand is Caesar, who is quite cute before he goes mental - the point begin when the awful James Franco forget to pick him up from school.

Oh, and Franco just happen to get in a car that is virtually untouched by the raging apes towards the end of the film. Not even a freakin scratch.

Which proves that apes are considerate when it comes to this type of thing.

If any of the writer struggling for the next instalment, Ape vs Swat is the perfect gateway. You'll be on the edge of the seat when the plot revolves around raging apes battling horrible bunch of men in forms. Or just awful plot at its' best.

At the end of the day, the film is terrible because Franco is a thief, murderer and a bad father to an ape. And the ape demonize other apes, painting a bad picture on the population of apes. And with so many apes involve in the film and whatever shit I just mention, it just goes to show, you can never be too careful with apes. As they eat biscuits, and hang in numbers.

CN & CNC

2011-08-12T16:21:00.002+01:00

Obviously mama fucked a cow and a chicken. And dad didn't care even a tiny bit.

Way to teach children the foundation of bestiality, prick.

Half bake reality

2011-08-09T04:50:00.002+01:00

The revelation that twats run around the net.

Facebook to be exact.

There's this one kid (he/she mentioned to be a teenager) posted on the LulzSec page "Ï am a teenager and you inspire me ;).". To my surprise, without a definite knowledge on what he/she found to be inspiring, people started to click on the develish 'Like' button.

Being the person that I am, I asked 'What exactly inspires you?' - and because I was in a good mood, I inserted 'Not trying to be a prick', before such question followed.

With time passed, my harmless question was not answered.

In despair, I found such has been deleted the next day when I eagerly check for a respond.

I don't find it offensive, or inappropriate - hence the reason it was not being respond to is simply because the kid is a twat. I'm being terrible here so let me retract it and reproduce my judgement, he's a teenager who can't possibly explain himself.

It's not known who might have deleted it, but a direct conclusion would be a revelation, that these people possess no idea/stance on what they're believing in, in other words, they're twats.

If you can't answer a harmless question by a curious cat, you don't deserve a place to say you are supporting a cause to annihilate parties trying to take away rights - to speak, etc.

You are by careful observation, a teenager looking for ways to be cool. Sadly boy/girl, supporting something blindly does not make you a cool kid.

And if the LulzSec themselves/itself deleted it, then dear sir, you are a sad excuse for a cause.

I sure hope it's a mistake, because I hate the idea of having mindless children running around the world.

D-Man

2011-08-08T15:06:00.002+01:00

The only reason for this distance, is the basis of this relationship.

We've scoured well within each other. With the eyes apart.

Volatile connections kept us in.

but this tailored piece fits well.

enough to be torn.

.................................

As you put it, I can't stand the idea of being with anyone whom I can't call names. Truth is, no one can stand me as I call them names.

We're two twats, capable of adhering to each others' antics. And that's what we'll always be - the two wrecking balls with time to spend.

Anthrofuckingpology

2011-08-07T03:43:00.002+01:00

With my mother finally consented in letting me further my studies in Anthropology, the dilemma still lives - as she has no intention to pay my tuition fee. To be able to receive the coveted Scholarship is just near impossible for an unlucky cow like me. Hence, I will just have to beg my father to pay for it. As if it makes it that much easier.

I would like to go back to New York, and live with the friend whom I would have no need to find excitement. I enjoy New York and I have my favourite places to be. Though like my mother, I could not stand the wicked weather, and if I to be following the mother's steps, the next plausible option would be California.

I don't know much in loving California. Good weather, but nothing else matters. However, the positioning is fantastic, as I have families dwelling around the State.

With that in mind, the final option would be to answer the call of my Uncle and live with him in London, which probably the next best option after New York.

And all these mongering, the most probably thing that would occur is me working like a dog and longing for the chance to do Anthropology. Never does anything I have wished for turns around and knock on the door. Hence, it is a waste of time to deliver my interest to reality.

Because reality is one annoying fuckface.

K

2011-07-29T16:21:00.002+01:00

Like a cancer
taking charge of the mind
swinging eyes around
hinging on the next

And come inside
luring life
further away
from the next line

Until the end
strangling the skin
forcing regret
to live on the edge

I Am a Boy

2011-07-28T16:26:00.003+01:00

A friend mentions, how he would have thought of me as a boy if no picture and name accompany these interests.

Well I do wish I am a boy, so that I don't have to struggle with the harassment from the women in events, forcing me to put on some chemicals shit on the face. And so that I could live my lifelong dream of becoming the mini Mullen, or a clown, or a mime artist, or a drumming twat.

That's the beauty of facebook, or any other social networking sites. For us to judge on a person based on what he or she, allows to be made public, and not feel bad about it. Cause' if you really like people to not bother in making assumptions on who you are, you wouldn't have participated in this social madness.

So speculate my dear friends, on how I am actually a boy using your wacky friends' name and picture to appear even wackier.

Or how I am an alien, trying to tear your skull apart, and devour on your yummy brain. Haha mental.

Metal Bums

2011-07-22T12:45:00.005+01:00

Where world culture is dominated by people who build themselves based on the culture, it is not easy being the one who do not understand of such culture (?).

Pop-ish twats wear shits, punk kids try to look tough, indie peeps dress annoyingly 'cool', and hipsters are a sad excuse.

Oh yeah, and metal heads should look like this

To note, that is a bloke looking funnily like a girl, or it is just me that thought he looks more like a girl.

While I enjoy almost all types of music, except the ones where the lines consist of something to do with fucking a girl or smacking her arse, or anything remotely stupid as that, I find it difficult to relate to anyone else who shares the same enjoyment. However, I face a challenge, when confronting the other music goers. Most of them often give me a funny look, implying their belief that I am an imposter and I will never belong in such music culture.

For instance, I fucking enjoy metal music, which is the first rhythm I enjoy as a child. Yet, none of the metalheads enjoy seeing me, as I look like this

Not my best look but it indicates how I do not look the part, any part of the music culture.

But really, are you that deep in shithole that you need to assume a look to be a part of something. And by giving me faces, you bury yourself even deeper my friend. I like how I look so sod off, and I like my coffee just like my metal. Haa no coffee is shit, and metal music is not.

BooYah

HB

2011-07-21T09:46:00.001+01:00

I am under privilege. For the ability to live pass you.
Around the circus I dream. Press feeding your eyes.

I am under. Cloud nine and a half.
By no weave. Hinging me in.

.......................

While people worry on the endless loneliness in others, I worry about their mental state.

Two is a party, and one is a ghost. Traveling through the age of survival.

For me to be a ghost, is, undeniably, the most precious thing I could ever possess.
Until that other comes by - I will pass through your windows. Prancing with your best memory (ies).

I understand the concern coming in. But really, do I appear to be horrified about life. Or you are imagining this, to taunt me with your ties.

It is not easy flying by. Searching for the ghost to haunt me. I am no you or she or they or everyone. I am the stone rolling in - making rough remarks. On the girly eyes, the C+ smile, and the ingenuous days you wish for me to dream on.

Believe me when I say I am fine. Proof:

1) I google for all animals with an addition of the word 'fat', and I sure enjoy it.
2) I youtube kids scarred for life - by being tricked into tricks, and hell I love it.
3) I talk to myself about the world and everything else in between, and you better believe I like it.

and

4) I do everything for my own pleasure, and you cannot tell me how terrible it is.

The reason of the thrill I absorb, is because I do things for me and my mind. In a party, there is no 'I' and there can never be.

When a premise to be a selfish bastard is presented to you - without any hazard to be
purported on others, why not jump into it. My selfishness harm nobody - yet. With it, I must make use of it before it fades. Like all the other traits I used to have.

So the next time you feel bad about me not having a partner, reflect on the things you have missed. The infinity of laughs by only watching people caught up in confusion. The infinity of watery eyes, by having daddy longlegs scare the fuck out of you.

Hence, with the new trend, I am lulzing at you for not hanging on. Square.

G

2011-07-19T14:47:00.001+01:00

Once you get in
with eyes threading
on the stoned lips

In further carry on
a moment of crude
gently withering

And I could
draw for you
to set off

the fire under

Till now
you have forgone
the minutes of viral

flood the scene

When all seems to end,
forward
pacify the sky

..............................

Is it terrible having 13-16 years old boys asking my mother about me. I don't respond to the calls so I can't be a paedophile.

For the Lulz (Sec)

2011-07-19T06:28:00.003+01:00

The recent takedown of The Sun’s website continues to captivate internet users, whether it is for or against the perpetrator, LulzSec.

It is commonly accepted that they do enjoy the attention, given their Twitter page accounting every completed ‘mission’. Denial of such is just plain abnormality of the mind.

I would not be too joyful if any of my accounts are hacked, though I would believe that they would be on the losing end - considering the lack of delicious information in any one of those accounts. Mind you, I am not luring your desire to prove me wrong.

With this I should direct my question on the very purpose of their attacks. Other than for the ‘lulz’, I wonder why its’ members conduct these operation. There is slight enjoyment that occupies me, though as this subject is well beyond my comprehension, I must admit how careless of me to take this as an entertainment.

My support is well provided when it comes to shoving it off to the big corporation on how they have manipulated the consumers by not protecting the data - when they should. However, do the LulzSec ever wonder that perhaps these corporations could not give a wanker on what has been proven - which ultimately, diminished the whole purpose of the operation.

As I stated, I am not within the knowledge of this subject. Therefore enlightenment could very well be appreciated.

The fact that they have stated to be disbanded and then attack The Sun makes me a bit off. As it reminds me of the day Jay-Z mentioned that –name- album would be his last for his retirement, and then came back with a new one several years later. Though with the LulzSec, it is different, as my ill feeling does not exist towards them.

While I enjoy the wits coming from the Lulzers (?), it would be gracious if they turn out to be nothing like the posters on Guardian expected them to be – young, non-social geeks.

Nothing is within my expectation that my words would be traced by them, but if they did, feel free to not meddle with my internet shits because I actually like you :), unless you are awkward non-social geeks who would do anything to justify your love for Star Wars or anything akin to it.

By the way, how much of an extra time and interest you must have, considering I never really enjoy the internet other than random lulz I get from random search. Oh......

F

2011-07-18T15:22:00.003+01:00

Let the waves swallow our eyes
wrestling
as a reminder

The marks we paint
washing away
the high blues

With days we take
submitting
to the soul underneath

And the promises
would cripple
under our breath

After-Delight

2011-07-11T12:15:00.002+01:00

An afternoon of past encounter. Exactly three years of past.

Time changed people. It changed me and certainly everyone else involved in the wicked
circle of life.

We spent a lunch together, after three years of non-physical contact with each other. I was expectantly cold off my feet. Worried on how we might turned out to hate the company. Like almost all my past faces, she grew much taller than I am. I don't quite fancy the outcome time had imposed, as we now no longer converged upon the same bubble.

with time, she finally discovered how I couldn't give a flying monkey - when it comes to saying things. The instance being me lashing out on the smoking culture, when sokers behind us could've easily heard me.

It was also found that I am, definitely, an evil insensitive being.

Precisely a 'face I'd like to kick', as pointed out by another friend while comparing
me to Mr. Jimmy Carr - not a bad comparison I must say.

At such, I learned she sounded a lot mature than I am, by way of the tone of her voice (she sounds like a grown up, and I sound like I just popped out of my mother). Fitting perfectly behind a table of brilliant panel of brilliant people. And she planned on Medicine world for Uni. While I cringed on the idea of being a working adult.

She had, indeed, made me felt like a little twat. Nothing bad about it, since she felt the same. Crying on the fact that I am going to my third year of Law School at 20, while she, an aspiring being at 19, waiting for an entry.

Reminiscing the weekend trip that brought us a bond, of the time spent learning about each other. While spending the next three not knowing each other.

I am by a lot, felt the need to grow up. To set aside my imaginarium, the video games, the sugar high carefree vibe, the peter-pan life. It could be time for me to be more like her. Sounds all grown up with a deep stern voice.

Eh fuck it, I like being a child, of babies voice. I like my imagination, video games, hyperself. I like being looked upon as a soft sand on feet. Then terrorize the world with sandstorm. By this I don't mean to hijack a plane or perform mass murder.

If there's one thing I learn over the lunch, by no way should you adopt a sparkling face while telling a terrible story. Apparently I did. Must've been the anxiety.

I

2011-07-06T12:09:00.001+01:00

If there is something to talk about,
the feet that tangles would bring it out,
making words to fall out of the tongue

and until then there will be thoughts,
rummaging nights for empty eyes
by the round table on a false light

for it to be more convenient,
to think of ways to cheat time,

for it to be more
than counting sheep at night.

This is the youth of today

2011-06-30T12:19:00.002+01:00

When I first watch this, I know it is either that I am still dizzy from the sleep, or I have gone mental.

But I believe this song and video pretty much sums up the world of today's youth.

By observing each separately, you will infuse your head in the horrible structure of kids these days. The music is a shit, no point clarifying and explaining it. But the video is the best. I mean where else can you see idiots pretending to run but unfortunately is unable to. I bet that is how this whole shuffling manic starts. One kid trying to impress the peers by swift move and amazing sprint. However, lack of time spent outdoors forced his body to make him look rather stupid. As a defense, he made up a dance move excuse without weighing the fact that he looks like an idiot. And voila, the birth of a hip trend that embarrasses other less hip kids for not loving it.

Truthfully, I do not even want to figure how the world would evolve, considering this is put up and people are not as livid about the cultural movement as I am. Mission caveman will still be in my thoughts. Thank you a band (more like a couple of funny looking fellows) that is dodgy enough to wear a jacket with only one proper sleeve and shove mockeries in my face when I am denying its' sea of coolness.

Feel free to blame God

2011-06-28T13:14:00.002+01:00

I am quite put off when people are going mental on subject of gay rights.

I for one have no belief in such but that does not warrant myself to be in the circle of condemnation. Some of us are just that incapable in fighting the urge to hate something. Be it people, animal or things. Does that make you a horrible twat.

I don't enjoy the sight of chavs and often make fun of them. Though there is none, other than the chavs themselves hinted me with a glance of hatred. They are people as well. So why the fuck no one bothers when they are being made fun of, sometimes discriminate through awful remarks. Why hasn't there be any chavs parade or groups upholding their status as wankers.

My point being if you can obliterate the concepts on the existence of religions or awful people, then you should know there is no such right granted for you to tell people off when doing something you supposedly believe to be the righteous path.

Homosexuality is not an excuse for you to be better than anyone. You might be a subject of animosity even if you are not gay. Hence, stop assuming a responsibility to chant away 'God made me this way' because there is a slight chance, every murderers, rapists and fucked up beings using the same excuse.

I and probably everyone else, have no issue on you being a person attracted to another with the same component as yours. We just lose it when there is this pretentious dilemma in living due to non-acceptance. Muslims, Buddhists, Disables, Specials and Popes are put in worst positions as you are. So think again when you mock people for not standing by your side. Even an ordinary being have it tough.

And stop it with the stupid drawn brows and pink coloured shits.

6

2011-06-13T18:09:00.004+01:00

I'd like to swim in the air

and let it stroke my feelings

have it calm the flushing veins

the moving aches

the terror lips

I'd like to feed myself to the sun

and let it turn me

have it search in my eyes

the whispering touch

the unwanted light

Angelica Wednesday

2011-06-09T11:18:00.002+01:00

I would probably end up changing my name to Angelica Wednesday. Since both are the most common characters of which believed to resemble myself. It is good, in a way, since I grow up watching and enjoying both of them. At one period I have assumed them to be me.

The only problem I have whenever others tell me about this very truth is that Wednesday has an extensive area of forehead, which is one of the subject of ridicule I experienced growing up. I would never expect people to see me as an amazing, fancy, and pretty character, as I am nothing of that traits. I enjoy being a person presumed to have come from other planet and drink blood (at one point I had savour). It comfort me to understand that I am build to be a person I intended to be before I could even access my mind.

Which brings me to the constant thoughts and fear of losing everything I have lived upon. My head, my heart, and the hard visioned companions I have always keep. This belongs to many conversations I have with few friends, on change, the inevitability in life. People are not generally of my interest and commonly viewed by me as horrible beings.

But what would happen if one day, I become part of it. When I lose interest in a solo conversation, and everything else I have always love. What happen if I start to care about being smart, pretty and known.

I will never give up in life, as it is quite impossible for me to do such. Giving up occurs only when you realized the best way to live is to die. To exist further.

Though I might one day give up, for losing these things I have known my whole entire life, for another set of chance.

I If

2011-06-01T17:47:00.005+01:00

If ever I believe God speaks to me. Then you should know I have been lost. Not in mind, but in you. As difficult for me to admit I will never find you, it is even more to stop believing. They made me stay. Though the permission to further exists, they would not free me. Let me roam after the fence. You should know this is the reason we have never meet. There is nothing in my action that made it into an insanity streak. To never have found. You.

If ever I believe God does not listen to me. Then you should know. I never wish to find you. Beyond the cold swimming lessons. I realize life is better when the thought of the other ceases. And then the visions blur. Making sense of everyone else's mistake. It is everything in my action. To make you dream. The reason(s) we should never meet.

Natural Mystics

2011-05-27T06:25:00.002+01:00

If I vow for my life, where should I flee to. Shall I keep this under my nails, and pray on where it would take me. Though I am not convinced by your fragile lips, your withered tongue. For under this false infatuation, you let your eyes in me.

Hoa Lo : 1

2011-05-23T13:05:00.011+01:00

Courage only exists in beliefs.

Hoa Lo prison, situated in the heart of Ha Noi, Vietnam. Now only a living memory and proof of carnage, preserved and open for public to be a first-hand witness to a buried terror.

Commonly known as Hell's Hole, it is once a home of numbers of Vietnamese prisoners, mainly of political being. The French had suppressed political campaigns of the Local in agitating for Independance.

I am not much for the period where American Pilots were detained (Vietnam War), as they were provided with a normal living condition, of which unattainable by the Vietnamese People outside the prison at the time. Not trying to paint a bad picture, but you can develop your own judgment on this particular subject.

In today's hard current position, we fight for freedom. Though it is maintainable as we keep on going back and forth while playing the cards. I have understand, during the days of Vietnamese pre-independence, the French was not in deep sleep with many of the locals conjointly fighting for an independence via political ideologies. As for preservation of the cowardice tradition, those involved in any way is sent to Hoa La, not only to keep them away from those under the arms of the French, but to torture and assisting in creating a Hell on earth.

The courage is dressed in a numbered cloth, with it being the only comfort during the stay.

The view of those unfairly silenced.

This is where a clear look on the condition of those detained, where shackles prevent them from any sort of movement. This is where my heart started to sank, as several circumstances are walked through. From the view of ideas exchanged to a grief in arm. They witness cruelty, friendship, and death, all on the very cold metal steel, the closest to live a life.

Entering the chamber excite hairs to stand up the way they should not be doing. With the eyes holding back the very spill. Day and night, 1-15-30, they sit by the warmth of each other and at times, violence erupt where the only help to the beaten is a strong phrase for the brave.

It is difficult for me to imagine the collection of courage and strength to face with your own beliefs. These heroic souls are telling us a message, so powerful that only death could deliver. Yet, we keep on shuffling for a new start.

And a wheelchair bound protester on this historic atrocity begged:

If we pray to God that our side is right, it would not shine the day better.

F

2011-05-20T17:22:00.002+01:00

I will climb on my own
bed again once I find you.
To edge me against
the kneeling image of them.

While the water runs through me
I will keep my eyes open.
For it too difficult
to watch your feet dragging away.

Until I could speak again
these peculiar things would occur
as the fears are not in me
when they are only watching me.

Does this make you happy?

2011-05-20T11:31:00.002+01:00

Should I feel the need to be anything slithering underneath. To assume the creation of fragmented lights.

I could be the reflection of visions, or a hole drifted apart.

................................

Social composition of what appears to be within the circle of normalcy cannot be inflicted in a condition of pure stimulation of the mind. The case made against everything existing in revert of the expectations made me understand the nature of human as a complete outrage.

With that, it is in a simple form of acceptance that physical satisfaction means nothing but a gust of winds blowing your senses away. Regardless of non-physical existence of love, nothing changes. Unless you decide to believe that in your mind.

I am certain someone has said to me that 'Happiness visible to others is a happiness forced'. And he also mentions that if you are happy and satisfied in your mind, it is irrelevant for a point of regression to take part.

Hence, no one can tell me to stop lingering in my imagination. Even if they do, I will always have my trusted severe disorder, selective hearing.

Cheers to life and made up health condition.

Accuse Me

2011-05-16T14:29:00.004+01:00

It is somewhat entertaining upon every mention of such phrase, since he actually mean to say 'Excuse me'. Language barrier did not hinder his every sense of awkward charm.

The boating or old cruise ship experience was super. A night well spent though I jumped into the sheet tad early due to the fact that none of the members were close enough to enjoy a stupid conversation with me.

There are more than 100 small islands in the Ha Long Bay and our ship stationed itself in the middle of a fantastic view, with other ships surrounding ours. Reminiscing the old war films I have enjoyed as a child.

I could not help myself in setting aside the idea of actually having a proper company on board, would make it better. Lounging on the deck with thoughts of conquering the whole ship with faces and voices I could place, brought me a motion of joy that never exists.

Activities swirled along my cup of tea, which forced my muscles to smile their way to visions.

Unfortunately,

The boys had to gave up our fifth spot when I was unable to cheer for them. Nonetheless, I put on the Red shirt with the Irish Happy Buddha spotting my bravery. As he put it, ABU lads, Anything But United.

With all these to be put behind, I have to endorse the idea that I might have to marry a local since more than three of them have splurged me with brilliant remarks. And it is the only place in the world (where I have set foot on) with eyes smiling back at me, and clinging on the side of the wall to watch me. A bit creepy, but if I ever wish to marry, it is either this or the mad Russian boy who scares me even further.

Fuck it, I will stick to an adopted child in a cave with a cable telly.

Vietnam. The First Sight

2011-05-14T15:49:00.002+01:00

I don't usually go around Asia for my eyes to explore. With this trip as a gift from mother, I could finally search for another piece of Asia.

The wonderful thing about Asian Region is, the multiple existence of diverse aesthetics. Each country provides you with a touch of wonder.

Getting my feet on the country is a pleasant experience, as the weather is as appealing as the pictures revealed to us beforehand. The funny thing is, my mother seems to believed the Vietnamese finds me different, hence the constant glare and funky smiles.

The first thing that grabbed my attention is the buildings. I have no clue on whether we are situated in the city, since everything looks the same. The buildings are relatively thin, as in super slim. It can be said to be the size of a standard house room. Though they multiplies the comfort by having it 3-4 stories height. Not to mention a dash of vibrant colours illuminating the immense surrounding.

Traffic here is as it is in India. Where the rude sounds and confusing turns trouble the mind of a fresh feet.

I can't really say much as I haven't move forward with the dating activities with this country. However, from the little bargain, it is an amazing few hours in Hanoi.

To the awesome looking cruise ship!

Not going out

2011-05-11T19:59:00.002+01:00

For the past year, I have been living like almost any other child my age.

It does hit me, that I am not, and never will be in the same position as my peers. I do apologize to friends of mine who constantly forced to deal with my deficiency.

I have never enjoyed going out, ever since I was younger. It annoys the shit out of me, and bothers me unconditionally. Though by living with mates, I do try to compensate my being by joining their activities. For a normal scoundrel, it is a fun filled moment. Given that the meaning of fun is as I had assumed, I am your abnormal youth-y scoundrel.

The youth is essentially a corrupt circle of fun people. They are well guarded by the needs and live life to the fullest.

And I, a sad lonely git (as taken by others) will save my money from the awful tradition of fun, for my history log.

10 years for now, I will miss a heap of shit movies. And there will be no regret. Though it is quite impossible as we are flawed constituted parts and we will regret any dust in our eyes.

Hence, lets not give a fuck about anything you do not wish to be associated with.

And much apologies dear friends, I like foods and animals. And you :)

E

2011-04-29T11:30:00.003+01:00

For I have too long forgotten how your breath feels on my skin

Though we never quite share any moments
of the lines that would under expectation
be trace and count upon

Failure of circumstances
bring mine against yours
with forever it being written

How I ponder on this very triviality

With wary foaming in laughters
hiding the senses and feelings
for pride and unhinging ties

Vicious pretense to awe
calamity of the storm

If they would let me hear you breathe once more
There would be no words for you to hope for

To Abandon The One

2011-04-25T15:55:00.002+01:00

A couple of days and I would no longer be a child. At least by the looks of my age. I do not quite understand the notion of a celebration of a birthday. Cakes and present are not necessarily my cup of tea when being reminded that I am no longer a 10 years old.

Which takes me back 10 years ago.

I was the kind of child no one really bothered in having, since I look more like a son than a daughter. At such age I was propelled into a life where a normal year of enjoyment was snatched away from me. I never had the life as a Grade 4 student and I never understand any of the things learned at such stage. The period was excruciating for me to endure but it did provide me with a sustainable form.

If I had never listen to mother in time-traveling a year forward, I would probably be one of the girl who is too bored to do anything.

Evidently, the realization hit me several years later, which indicated how much my mind had stopped babying around. I understand how much matters been absorbed by leaving those 365 days of a normal 10 years old. Without the abandonment, I might never meet any of the people I now enjoy (or hate) being with.

If there is one thing I would be unhappy of, with the 20 approaching me is that, I will no longer carry the one in front with happiness. Cause' I am now a two in life.

A two in one life. A two in a choice. A two in a vision. A two in a memory.

Yes, the two is never a good sign, which is why there is such thing as a skimming heart.

Blazin Chavs

2011-04-20T16:12:00.003+01:00

Reminiscing the days when Chavs were quite of a celebration. Had a laugh with a friend on how un-cool the lads were. I believe people by now should know to not trust kids who pretend to be rapping around while hanging out in an unfinished road.

There is one brilliant youtube commenter saying 'I bet they're working in Tesco now'. It is a bit insensitive to degrade Chavs, but it is a spot on observation on kids who does nothing better than form a giant group of un-funny boys.

The sad thing is, Martin Kelly could very well be one of these lads, from the view of the dodgy pictures posted. Regardless, he is still a talented young gun, not matter how much of a chav he may seem.

What a sad world we are living in today.

Hillsborough: 96

2011-04-17T13:58:00.004+01:00

Growing up as a child supporting Liverpool FC, I was always quite aware of the tragedy that rendered 15th of April as date unlike any other.

Despite the sense of knowing an inch of such history, I was not in any shape to understand the situation when it happened, as I was not even born. Hence, no feelings ever developed or evaluated on the matter. However, as I entered Law School, I got the chance to understand the cases involving the Hillsborough Disaster, seeding greater effects in me. Reading the lines as I had placed myself as a spectator of the disaster itself apprehend my thoughts on how those involved would have felt.

A tremendous wave shook me and propel me into a realisation that it is more than a remembrance of those who never got the chance to return, but it is a catch on a band that pull those involved and the fans through the painful memory, cementing a recognition on how those lives shall never be forgotten.

To witnessed the aching minutes that took the lives away cannot be compared to anything remotely akin.

However, this had staple an image of football as a great sporting event. Since the tragedy, the 96 lives had been showered with tears and thought within and outside of The Reds circle. It had extended further into the football minds and hearts.

To know how one agonizing event consolidate the different crests and chants made it even more significant.

Words cannot be put together to express my thoughts and feelings on this particular matter. With this, my heavy heart goes to those who had been carrying the tears all the while.

"People cry, not because they're weak. It's because they've been strong for too long." - Rafa Benitez

The Case with Women

2011-03-30T04:08:00.004+01:00

I know by right this should not be subjected for others to ridicule, but it is too much for any sane person to keep.

Apparently the idea attained by Facebook users in showing the public 'female power' is by doing this. It is done in supporting Breast Cancer Awareness. The relevance to it is quite of a perplex idea for me to grasp.

The idea is, girls are invited in conducting this massive idiocracy to confuse men. I do hope they are not serious in this business because men would not be near the applause machine, instead they might laugh their arse off for the women's shallow thoughts.

To show support for BCA would be more than attempts to look cool and 'confuse' men, and be on the telly for it.

Posting random colours indicating your bra and random fruits to mark your status will be, in no way relevant to others' fight against Breast Cancer.

Hence, feminists should re-think on their whole purpose of being idiots. Pankhurst and de Beauvoir did not fight for this.

Can(not) Die

2011-03-25T18:42:00.002Z

If you could peek inside my rash covered skin, you'd realized how the disappointment creeps in it. Especially when your mate would go on about how their part was an awesome lot.

Believing a good week would come after a horrendous one was a perfect mistake.

At the very least I could still go home to my chair, my drinks, and my eyes.

À Bout de Souffle

2011-03-23T04:30:00.004Z

I may not be an avid film person, but I do know how to appreciate few good ones.

It may be accurate to admit that I have only watched close to 30 films in my life as a soon-to-be 20 year old. Truth to be told, I hate watching films, especially those of current era. It is all of the same shared roots, and the result is nothing but a thought to be dispense with upon leaving your seat. Or at least that is of my routine.

In spite of the obsession of showing my utter disgust on films, I do enjoy old films. May it be English, French, or any other foreign languages, they are quite an intriguing 60 plus minutes of sheer incomprehension. Only because of the difference of cultures prescribed in each films.

Nonetheless, I do cherish the hours spent watching the ones that captivated my attention. So thank you the people who may not be in current existence for giving me the pleasure of bewilderment under your spells.

And thank you mistakes as to introduce me to the films. You may be a bitch in life, but you helped me in finding random stuff.

We've all gone mad

2011-03-19T12:49:00.002Z

I will never understand the world's idea in gathering few fancy looking boys and make them sing lines of nonsensical shits. It might have worked a decade ago, but now, people, well people still love those.

There are so many bad lines in songs these days. Yet, nobody bothers in making it stop.

Terrible.

BB

2011-03-09T08:46:00.003Z

I'll erase my feelings if you trace back your words.
Lose them while you spoil my beings.
Fuck my smiles and abandon my thoughts on you.
Until then, don't use your lies against me.

You little scum. Lying through your teeth. Proving how hard you are as a horrid girl. Not even a lady. Black soul and empty hard. You mock my ties with God, and I'll show you God.

All the cusses mean nothing. Bitch.

All

2011-02-28T02:26:00.003Z

There is a better echo on the side of your window.
Persistent clamours absorbing sky.
Moving as the blues would.

There is more than one watching your glass shield.
Holding out for a touch.
Whispering word under the lights.

There is more than could acquire.
From letters and synchronized hymns.

There are words and feelings.
Though they never reach me.

.......................

We dream of dreams to stray away from sorrow. But most of the time we forget how the trap tricks us into it.

Mother is all in joy after the big sleep. And my Uncle (make it two of them), grant a permission for me to stay with them for summer. I have the internship as an excuse to get away from people I know off. Except that would not work since I still have acquaintances there. Hence, the extreme frugal in me has to be put to use because tickets will never fall from mother skies.

Though we have reached an agreement, by the time I turn 21, A match and a trip should be enjoyed for I to show how I am no longer 12. Despite the constant effect delivered by the people who still think I am 12.

Fuck it, I would be 20 this year and no one see the maturity on the exterior part of me. And I have never watch a live footy match. Except if you consider jumping for a sight behind the rubbish an experience.

Must.force.to.save.

D

2011-02-22T11:14:00.003Z

Nothing could come about
unhinging this stroke of lines
Putting spaces together
connecting its' parts
Nothing could hold this
further than the wind travels
Chasing silhouettes of known
forgettable smiles

.....................

The Biting Point is on now and I am not even there. While my mum pretends to enjoy the theatre, I get to sulk for the amount of work being dumped on us children.

Damn higher learning institution. No one gives a fuck about Land Law when it's too difficult to get by its' words.